Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Third Times a Charm
I went to the doctor this morning and just like I said I am posting an update. Really I don't think I have much to say, but as usual I may end up rambling on about whatever random thought pops into my head while I type even if it has nothing to do with what I was talking about.
This doctors visit seemed shorter than normal. The doc definitely seemed busy today and I don't know why but I felt like my appointment was too short. I guess I was expecting things to be different since this would be last appointment before my chest port being put in. It was just a standard appointment. Now I am not sure how other Lymies' doctor appointments go, but mine involve very little physical examination. I get the typical weight, temp, blood pressure and O2 sat but that is usually about it. Most of the appointments involve me describing my current symptoms, if I feel better or worse, asking questions, reviewing labs if we did any last time, and doing more blood work. This appointment was the same. The labs I had done last time were different than other ones I had had done but they were all normal. I did ask if we did a CD-57 because I thought we did and he said my sample wasn't good enough for it or what ever. We were doing one this time plus all of the labs the hospital needs to put in the chest port. I think it is mostly liver and kidney values, etc...
You know how much I love needles right? Well if you haven't heard I hate them more than you will ever know. Blood-no problem. Needles-big problem. I will never get used to them no matter how much I get stuck. So I had to go through the routine of getting a bunch of vials drawn. I consider 5 a bunch. I used to have great veins in my arms. I was always an easy stick. As time has gone on and especially much more recently my veins aren't so good anymore. I am not such an easy stick. Even if they get the vein, a number of times they get nothing out or my blood stops flowing part way through the draw. As luck would have it, I got it all today. The nurse used a big needle, thank you very much, and at the beginning of the third or fourth vial the blood just stops. Nothing, no more. So she looks at my arms and decides to try another vein in the arm she just used. She used another big needle and I don't know enough about the gauges of needles and why you use big verses small but I can say big wasn't working today. She stuck me and nothing. Not a drop. I haven't looked up why this may be happening and I guess it doesn't really matter, I am just curious. I am wondering if my low body temperature makes my blood to thick and it just doesn't want to come out. Based on the fact that the nurse offered me some water and said sometimes that helps, my husband said I am dehydrated and not drinking enough water. Maybe we are both wrong. Anyways...she brings me a glass of water and says she will be right back. Then a nurse that has done my blood before comes in. She looks at both arms and chooses the other arm. She goes in with a tiny butterfly needle setup that has a long tube on it, and magic. The last two vials get done. So today the third stick was a charm! Now the bruises are showing up.
This is basically what the doctor said- We will do the necessary blood work. The results and request should be in to the hospital by Wednesday. They should call hopefully Wednesday and set up the port for Thursday or Friday of next week. Then the following Tuesday I will go back to the doctors office and see the IV/Infusion nurse. It sounds like she will put in a line or something into the port so I only have to get stuck once a week. I do the meds twice a day for four days and then I would take the line out. I would go into to see her once a week. Now I am not sure if we will get to the point where Ryan can put the line in so I don't have to go down to Pacific Beach once a week but Ryan can at least do my meds the rest of the week.
I did mention to the doctor that I was wondering if I might have a kidney stone because of my flank pain the other night. He didn't say much but noted all of my symptoms down. He did say that a fairly common side effect of the Rocephin (like 20 to 30% of people get this) is gall stones. Now doesn't that sound like fun? But I need to get rid of this Lyme Disease and I guess that just may be something I have to endure along the way. Can I just say that I am sooooooooo beyond ready to start feeling better. My husband and I had a nice talk (more like I got a short lecture) about positive thinking in 2011. He says I am negative. I guess he is right to a degree. I look at it more like being realistic. I do understand his point. So even though I feel like crap everyday I would chose to say something like "Today is better than yesterday" or whatever the case may be. This disease just wears you down and you can't help but wonder if you ever will feel better. When you have been feeling bad for so long that you almost can't remember feeling good...it is a little hard to imagine. I am praying the Rocephin does the trick. At least I knew when I was feeling bad recently that bugs were being killed. I don't want to say I want to feel worse but I know bugs are begin destroyed and that does make me hopeful that I am getting closer to the day when I will feel better.
I have a lot more I could talk about but I am getting tired and need to save something to say for another day. God only knows what would happen to me if I ran out of things to ramble on about. I might self destruct! :)
This doctors visit seemed shorter than normal. The doc definitely seemed busy today and I don't know why but I felt like my appointment was too short. I guess I was expecting things to be different since this would be last appointment before my chest port being put in. It was just a standard appointment. Now I am not sure how other Lymies' doctor appointments go, but mine involve very little physical examination. I get the typical weight, temp, blood pressure and O2 sat but that is usually about it. Most of the appointments involve me describing my current symptoms, if I feel better or worse, asking questions, reviewing labs if we did any last time, and doing more blood work. This appointment was the same. The labs I had done last time were different than other ones I had had done but they were all normal. I did ask if we did a CD-57 because I thought we did and he said my sample wasn't good enough for it or what ever. We were doing one this time plus all of the labs the hospital needs to put in the chest port. I think it is mostly liver and kidney values, etc...
You know how much I love needles right? Well if you haven't heard I hate them more than you will ever know. Blood-no problem. Needles-big problem. I will never get used to them no matter how much I get stuck. So I had to go through the routine of getting a bunch of vials drawn. I consider 5 a bunch. I used to have great veins in my arms. I was always an easy stick. As time has gone on and especially much more recently my veins aren't so good anymore. I am not such an easy stick. Even if they get the vein, a number of times they get nothing out or my blood stops flowing part way through the draw. As luck would have it, I got it all today. The nurse used a big needle, thank you very much, and at the beginning of the third or fourth vial the blood just stops. Nothing, no more. So she looks at my arms and decides to try another vein in the arm she just used. She used another big needle and I don't know enough about the gauges of needles and why you use big verses small but I can say big wasn't working today. She stuck me and nothing. Not a drop. I haven't looked up why this may be happening and I guess it doesn't really matter, I am just curious. I am wondering if my low body temperature makes my blood to thick and it just doesn't want to come out. Based on the fact that the nurse offered me some water and said sometimes that helps, my husband said I am dehydrated and not drinking enough water. Maybe we are both wrong. Anyways...she brings me a glass of water and says she will be right back. Then a nurse that has done my blood before comes in. She looks at both arms and chooses the other arm. She goes in with a tiny butterfly needle setup that has a long tube on it, and magic. The last two vials get done. So today the third stick was a charm! Now the bruises are showing up.
This is basically what the doctor said- We will do the necessary blood work. The results and request should be in to the hospital by Wednesday. They should call hopefully Wednesday and set up the port for Thursday or Friday of next week. Then the following Tuesday I will go back to the doctors office and see the IV/Infusion nurse. It sounds like she will put in a line or something into the port so I only have to get stuck once a week. I do the meds twice a day for four days and then I would take the line out. I would go into to see her once a week. Now I am not sure if we will get to the point where Ryan can put the line in so I don't have to go down to Pacific Beach once a week but Ryan can at least do my meds the rest of the week.
I did mention to the doctor that I was wondering if I might have a kidney stone because of my flank pain the other night. He didn't say much but noted all of my symptoms down. He did say that a fairly common side effect of the Rocephin (like 20 to 30% of people get this) is gall stones. Now doesn't that sound like fun? But I need to get rid of this Lyme Disease and I guess that just may be something I have to endure along the way. Can I just say that I am sooooooooo beyond ready to start feeling better. My husband and I had a nice talk (more like I got a short lecture) about positive thinking in 2011. He says I am negative. I guess he is right to a degree. I look at it more like being realistic. I do understand his point. So even though I feel like crap everyday I would chose to say something like "Today is better than yesterday" or whatever the case may be. This disease just wears you down and you can't help but wonder if you ever will feel better. When you have been feeling bad for so long that you almost can't remember feeling good...it is a little hard to imagine. I am praying the Rocephin does the trick. At least I knew when I was feeling bad recently that bugs were being killed. I don't want to say I want to feel worse but I know bugs are begin destroyed and that does make me hopeful that I am getting closer to the day when I will feel better.
I have a lot more I could talk about but I am getting tired and need to save something to say for another day. God only knows what would happen to me if I ran out of things to ramble on about. I might self destruct! :)
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
When It Rains It Pours
Does anyone know where I can get a set of plans to build an ark? Let me tell you, lately when it rains it pours and I think I better start building an ark before it floods. I heard back from disability only to be told that she would have to call me back later in the day (yesterday) or hopefully first thing this morning. I haven't heard back yet. The claim rep said she had inquired about the status of the second physician review and hadn't heard back. When she did, she would let me know. Now when I talked with her on December 14th it sounded like the second physician review had been requested or started already and they usually try to do it in less then two weeks. She did ask that it be expedited. I know the office was closed last Thursday and Friday for Christmas. I do totally understand that. So hear we are though, two weeks later and she doesn't even know if it has been completed. I am praying when she calls back that is has been completed which means she should only have to make her final decision. I am praying that means I will have an answer this week. I know I have said before that this claim rep and I seem to interact better with each other than my first one and I did. However, I don't think things are going any better if you know what I mean. Their whole process seems slow and a little unorganized. Just because we can be nice to each other on the phone doesn't mean that I think she is going to call me on her own and say "I have reached a final decision on your appeal and it is ...." whatever the answer would be. I think we will play the game of I just need to make the final decision and she will know what it is and not tell me and then drop the letter in the mail. That is how it went the first time (which I am sure I have told you at least once). In a Wednesday afternoon conversation the rep told me she needed to make her final decision and she should have that done by Friday. On Thursday morning I get a call from HR at the City telling me I had been denied and they were notified Wednesday. They had no idea why the rep would tell me that when she obviously knew. I have an answer to that. It is called being chicken ....Well I don't need to finish that statement. I shouldn't call names. I am sorry but this is my life we are talking about here. If you can not be honest, upfront, and do things in a timely manner when dealing with someones life like this than you need to find another line of work. I'm just saying. Sorry I got sidetracked. I am sure you are used to it by now. So waiting, waiting, waiting. I am still not sure I have obtained the virtue of being patient. I am trying though. What choice do I have?
Back to the whole when it rains, it pours. So I did my little blog yesterday and ventured out with my kids to pick up some medicine and make a return. We weren't gone very long as I was not feeling good. So we come home and I ask Jenna to let the dogs in. She does and I walk around the corner to tell Boss, our 7 yr old yellow lab, to knock it off because he is always a spaz and getting wild. He looks weird and I am thinking he hurt his leg because he can't walk right so I go over to see what is up and he is having a full blown seizure. So I kind of freak out. It is scary to see and I am crying and trying to just calm him down and so the girls are crying. Long story short, he finally stops seizing and seems to pretty much go back to normal. I don't need this right now. So off to the vet we go. They do some blood work and everything is normal. That is good news. We will probably never know what caused the seizure and he may continue to have them. All we can do is try to let him know it is okay and keep a journal about them. If they get really frequent or severe we can consider anti-seizure meds. I am not sure I have much left in my emotional bank account to deal with all of this. I did let God know I was not happy about this and not sure what to do anymore. I also said there are 4 days left for the nonsense and stress of 2010 to get over with. I'm not doing this in 2011. Ryan just asked if that meant I was going to just keep a positive attitude next year. I said it was supposed to be an order that this stuff is going to stop but I know that I don't have any control over it. Sometimes I like to think I do and that what I say goes. Wishful thinking.
Well, the phone rang a few minutes ago. What do you know, it was disability. She said she should have the second physicians final report by the end of the week. Then she will finish up her final stuff and keep me posted. So I can probably expect at least another week and a half maybe two. Of course next week will probably be a short week. January 24th is getting closer and closer. I can feel the anger and the tears starting to build again. Not good. Time to pray...
Back to the whole when it rains, it pours. So I did my little blog yesterday and ventured out with my kids to pick up some medicine and make a return. We weren't gone very long as I was not feeling good. So we come home and I ask Jenna to let the dogs in. She does and I walk around the corner to tell Boss, our 7 yr old yellow lab, to knock it off because he is always a spaz and getting wild. He looks weird and I am thinking he hurt his leg because he can't walk right so I go over to see what is up and he is having a full blown seizure. So I kind of freak out. It is scary to see and I am crying and trying to just calm him down and so the girls are crying. Long story short, he finally stops seizing and seems to pretty much go back to normal. I don't need this right now. So off to the vet we go. They do some blood work and everything is normal. That is good news. We will probably never know what caused the seizure and he may continue to have them. All we can do is try to let him know it is okay and keep a journal about them. If they get really frequent or severe we can consider anti-seizure meds. I am not sure I have much left in my emotional bank account to deal with all of this. I did let God know I was not happy about this and not sure what to do anymore. I also said there are 4 days left for the nonsense and stress of 2010 to get over with. I'm not doing this in 2011. Ryan just asked if that meant I was going to just keep a positive attitude next year. I said it was supposed to be an order that this stuff is going to stop but I know that I don't have any control over it. Sometimes I like to think I do and that what I say goes. Wishful thinking.
Well, the phone rang a few minutes ago. What do you know, it was disability. She said she should have the second physicians final report by the end of the week. Then she will finish up her final stuff and keep me posted. So I can probably expect at least another week and a half maybe two. Of course next week will probably be a short week. January 24th is getting closer and closer. I can feel the anger and the tears starting to build again. Not good. Time to pray...
Monday, December 27, 2010
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas! A few days late I know but still Merry Christmas. Funny how in my last post I thought I might be blogging everyday and it ended up being almost a week. Things got a little crazy to say the least so it wasn't until now that I felt up to posting something. To recap the last week...I decided to not call disability until this morning. I am waiting for my call back and if anything is new you can bet I will be updating later. I took Jenna (my 7 yr old) to the doctor for her stomach. To put it nicely, she was having plumbing issues if you know what I mean. So a little miralax and she seems to be doing much better. Brooke (my 4 yr old) has continued on with a super stuffy and runny nose. Trying to just use her saline spray and avoid the doctor. Unfortunately my husband and I both got a nasty cold or flu or whatever you want to call it. Mostly sinus type stuff. Ryan stayed home on Christmas Eve because he wasn't' feeling good and he was on call and was expecting to have to go into work. By the time the girls and I got home on Christmas Eve I was starting to feel bad. Christmas morning it was on and I felt miserable. So all Christmas day and all yesterday I was miserable. I am very limited on what I can take so that makes things worse. I am trying to limit over the counter medications however, I could have drunk half a bottle of NyQuil and slept for two days straight and felt much better. No such luck though. To add to it all I am thinking I am working on a Kidney Stone. Now I have had them before, when I was pregnant with Jenna. Worst pain ever. Last night the really uncomfortable dull ache started in my right flank. I drank a ton of water. It got to about 6 out of 10 on the pain scale and then I must have fallen asleep. Feels better today but I am not convinced that I don't have one. That is the last thing I need to deal with. At least I see the doctor on Wednesday so I can ask him what he thinks.
Other than the health issues we have been dealing with we were also dealing with getting our truck smogged so we can get it registered. Now this is the first year we had to get smogged. It is a diesel and the broke state of California is going for money any way they can so they are making diesels get smogged. I will admit that it is not the same test as regular vehicles and it doesn't have to be done at a test only facility. That doesn't mean though that you are not in for some trouble. If you have any after market stuff on your diesel truck you better start putting it back to stock. At least that is my basic understanding. We bought our truck used and it had a chip on it when we bought it. We took the chip off a while ago. I guess even though the chip was supposed to be untraceable it still can leave something messed up on the computer part. Anyways, Ryan took it to a great lady who was not only knowledgeable but really reasonably priced. That is the good news. The bad news is the truck didn't pass. She hardly got the test going and had to stop due to it failing already. My husband had to take it to the dealership to get they system "flashed". I guess that is basically a reset of the computer system on the truck. The dealership couldn't do it right away so Ryan had to leave the truck for half of the day. The flash cost about $100 and didn't guarantee that the truck would pass smog once it was done. Well in the end all things worked out and my husband got the truck back and smogged that day. It is just those few hours of added stress I can do with out. Needless to say God has really come through and provided everything we need and then some. We are not free and clear with all of the things we need to pay for and take care of but for the immediate needs of the dog, the truck and being able to celebrate Christmas God made sure we had it covered one way or another. I couldn't be more thankful.
I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and are looking forward to 2011. Thank you stopping by to check in. If I don't hear anything significant from disability I will certainly post something after the doctor on Wednesday. The countdown begins to starting the IV meds...Oh I forget to mention I had to stop the Levaquin due to the pain. I just felt that some of it definitely was more tendon than joint and the doctor said if I was in doubt to stop it. So I did and have felt somewhat better. I hope that was the right the decision.
Other than the health issues we have been dealing with we were also dealing with getting our truck smogged so we can get it registered. Now this is the first year we had to get smogged. It is a diesel and the broke state of California is going for money any way they can so they are making diesels get smogged. I will admit that it is not the same test as regular vehicles and it doesn't have to be done at a test only facility. That doesn't mean though that you are not in for some trouble. If you have any after market stuff on your diesel truck you better start putting it back to stock. At least that is my basic understanding. We bought our truck used and it had a chip on it when we bought it. We took the chip off a while ago. I guess even though the chip was supposed to be untraceable it still can leave something messed up on the computer part. Anyways, Ryan took it to a great lady who was not only knowledgeable but really reasonably priced. That is the good news. The bad news is the truck didn't pass. She hardly got the test going and had to stop due to it failing already. My husband had to take it to the dealership to get they system "flashed". I guess that is basically a reset of the computer system on the truck. The dealership couldn't do it right away so Ryan had to leave the truck for half of the day. The flash cost about $100 and didn't guarantee that the truck would pass smog once it was done. Well in the end all things worked out and my husband got the truck back and smogged that day. It is just those few hours of added stress I can do with out. Needless to say God has really come through and provided everything we need and then some. We are not free and clear with all of the things we need to pay for and take care of but for the immediate needs of the dog, the truck and being able to celebrate Christmas God made sure we had it covered one way or another. I couldn't be more thankful.
I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and are looking forward to 2011. Thank you stopping by to check in. If I don't hear anything significant from disability I will certainly post something after the doctor on Wednesday. The countdown begins to starting the IV meds...Oh I forget to mention I had to stop the Levaquin due to the pain. I just felt that some of it definitely was more tendon than joint and the doctor said if I was in doubt to stop it. So I did and have felt somewhat better. I hope that was the right the decision.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
More Like Hell Than a Herx
Extreme words I know but let me tell you that is exactly what last night was. I fell asleep on the couch really early. I didn't get a nap mainly due to dealing with the dog and the vet. I am realizing though that being home with the kids isn't going to really allow me a nap. That is a kind of a problem. I am just going to have to try and get them both to lay down and watch a movie while I lay on the couch. I had daycare available but couldn't afford to spend the extra money. So back to last night. I started to not feel good and fell asleep on the couch. I don't know how long I was asleep but I woke up in severe pain. I think it was mostly joint pain but some of it was muscle or tendon. Both of my shoulder/rotator cuffs hurt really bad. My elbows, wrists, almost all of my fingers, palms of my hands, ankles, toes all hurt too. My knees would feel like someone was stabbing a knife in them. The pain isn't constant but almost throbs or comes on really strong then goes away and maybe 30 seconds later comes back and then goes away again. By far the worst pain I have been in. Shorter than the day I did that detox relief bath but probably more intense. (Just a warning that what I am about to say may be TMI for some of you. I don't think I have mentioned it before) For girls, our symptoms can be the worst when around that time of the month. I know that the bacteria typically reproduces every 4 weeks or so and the medication can only kill the bacteria during certain times in it's life cycle. So I am not sure if the bacteria cycle gets on board with our cycle or what. I just know about that time, I usually feel worse. Anyways, last night was awful. I do take comfort in the fact that I believe the new medicine is doing some good although I don't feel any better yet. My only concern with the amount of pain I was in was weather or not I was having a reaction the Levaquin (the severe tendinitis that can cause tendons to rupture). I don't think I will have a way of knowing for sure. I just have to take my chances that it was really a herx and the bugs are dying. Unfortunately I don't feel much better today, I have been hurting since I woke up but not with the severity of last night. Too top it off the kids still don't feel good. I have decided to take my 7 yr old in to the doctor for her stomach ache. She will curl up in a ball and says her stomach hurt and then later she will say it is feeling better. She hasn't been herself though and even decided she didn't want to go look at Christmas lights last night. That is definitely not like her. The other problem is she doesn't want to eat. She is a string bean as it is (about 46 pounds) so she can't stand to lose anymore weight. She woke up with a very slight fever this morning so I am just not sure what it up. We will see what the doctor has to say.
On a totally different note, and a good one at that, I found out my friend got the full time fire inspector job at my Fire Department. I am certainly not taking credit for her getting the job but I truly believe this was all part of God's plan. With the economy problems that we have all been facing over the last few years a lot of City's and other government agencies have been forced to let people go. (I realize you all probably know that already) So my friend was one of the Fire Inspectors that got let go from another city. She managed a little part time work with another city when she got let go but things weren't looking good for any of the Fire Inspectors in the are that got let go. Even if you weren't letting people go, you weren't hiring. Well when I knew I was going to be off of work for a while, my boss asked if I knew of anyone that could help out part time while I was gone. I said I certainly did and we were able to bring my friend on. It was horrible timing though and my coworker who worked part time had some health problems that led him to not be able to work anymore. He was already retired and just back on contract to help out. That really left Fire Prevention in a bind. That along with some new state regulations taking affect in 2011 were making for quite a work load that one part time person wouldn't be able to handle. With things being crazy even when I do come back we were able to get approval for another full time position. I just found out my friend got it. I knew she could do it. What a Christmas present for her. I am so excited and really feel like a good thing has come from this awful disease. God used something bad in my life to do something good for someone else. That makes it all worth it. :)
Well if things keep going the way they are, I may be blogging everyday. I am debating about calling disability for an update. It has been a week since I talked to them. Part of me is not expecting anything new and part of me is just praying that they have a decision. I am just not sure that they would all and tell me the answer. The first rep didn't. This claim rep has been better but I am not confident she would call and say okay I have decided, you are denied. What to do...Does me calling mean that I am not being patient and that I am trying to make things happen in my time? I don't know the answer to that. I am not sure if I will call or not. Okay, knowing me I will call. Pray for a positive outcome with disability and the strength for me to handle this pain, but most of all pray the God's will be done whatever it is.
On a totally different note, and a good one at that, I found out my friend got the full time fire inspector job at my Fire Department. I am certainly not taking credit for her getting the job but I truly believe this was all part of God's plan. With the economy problems that we have all been facing over the last few years a lot of City's and other government agencies have been forced to let people go. (I realize you all probably know that already) So my friend was one of the Fire Inspectors that got let go from another city. She managed a little part time work with another city when she got let go but things weren't looking good for any of the Fire Inspectors in the are that got let go. Even if you weren't letting people go, you weren't hiring. Well when I knew I was going to be off of work for a while, my boss asked if I knew of anyone that could help out part time while I was gone. I said I certainly did and we were able to bring my friend on. It was horrible timing though and my coworker who worked part time had some health problems that led him to not be able to work anymore. He was already retired and just back on contract to help out. That really left Fire Prevention in a bind. That along with some new state regulations taking affect in 2011 were making for quite a work load that one part time person wouldn't be able to handle. With things being crazy even when I do come back we were able to get approval for another full time position. I just found out my friend got it. I knew she could do it. What a Christmas present for her. I am so excited and really feel like a good thing has come from this awful disease. God used something bad in my life to do something good for someone else. That makes it all worth it. :)
Well if things keep going the way they are, I may be blogging everyday. I am debating about calling disability for an update. It has been a week since I talked to them. Part of me is not expecting anything new and part of me is just praying that they have a decision. I am just not sure that they would all and tell me the answer. The first rep didn't. This claim rep has been better but I am not confident she would call and say okay I have decided, you are denied. What to do...Does me calling mean that I am not being patient and that I am trying to make things happen in my time? I don't know the answer to that. I am not sure if I will call or not. Okay, knowing me I will call. Pray for a positive outcome with disability and the strength for me to handle this pain, but most of all pray the God's will be done whatever it is.
Monday, December 20, 2010
God Just Keeps Showing Up
Okay, I get it now. God is bigger than my illness, bigger than my anger and frustration, bigger than money troubles, bigger than, well anything. I have been honest about my feelings, questions, worry, doubt the whole time during this journey. Just when I would begin to lose hope God would show up. I admit that alot of where He has shown Himself has to do with finances. In all honesty though that has been one of my biggest issues and fears. That's just the way life is. This life is difficult to navigate when you are struggling in the financial department. Time and time again as we have tried to deal with the storm of this illness we have been hit hard financially and time and time again the phone rings, the mail comes, a text message comes through and someone is throwing us a life preserver. This time the mail came and some long time friends, more like extended family, from across the country stepped in to help out. We haven't even talked on the phone during all of this, and yet being the amazing, loving people they are they pulled together as a family and blessed us during this Christmas season. Your thank you card is coming but in case you read this before it gets their...THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts. We love you guys even though we are so far away from each other.
So I can't promise that I will never slip back and let the evil one convince me things are hopeless for a little while. I know though that I am praising God for all of His blessings and asking Him to always be right there to turn me back around. I don't need to know what the future holds. I just need to remember it is in God's hands and His plans are far better than anything I could imagine.
Thank you God for showing us that You have never left us alone in this and You never will. You have used ordinary people as amazing blessings in our life. We are so thankful for You and for them. Continue to use this struggle for Your good and never let us lose hope. Help us to stop telling You how big our problems are and to start telling our problems how BIG You are.
So I can't promise that I will never slip back and let the evil one convince me things are hopeless for a little while. I know though that I am praising God for all of His blessings and asking Him to always be right there to turn me back around. I don't need to know what the future holds. I just need to remember it is in God's hands and His plans are far better than anything I could imagine.
Thank you God for showing us that You have never left us alone in this and You never will. You have used ordinary people as amazing blessings in our life. We are so thankful for You and for them. Continue to use this struggle for Your good and never let us lose hope. Help us to stop telling You how big our problems are and to start telling our problems how BIG You are.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
I'm Afraid I Know the Answer
The last few days have been a little rough. We had a Christmas party Friday, Saturday and today. I didn't get a nap Friday or Saturday. I tried but couldn't fall asleep. By last night I was beat. I was worried I was going to be miserable last night because I felt pretty bad in the afternoon but I felt much better by the time we left. Unfortuneately my girls were both under the weather this morning so we had to cancel going tonight. It may be for the best since I have been in quite a bit of pain today. I did get about a 3 hour nap though which was much needed.
As the year is coming to a close I have so much going through my mind. I feel like I have a lot of this things from 2010 that I still need to deal with yet I am so ready for a new year. I know we can have a fresh start anytime but I always appreciate the start of a new year. It just feels "official" to me. A lot of what I feel I have left to deal with has to do with finances or lack there of. Besides catching up on some bills, one of top priorities I have when things turn around with the money is to get both of the girls tested for Lyme.
I am afraid I already know the answer when it comes to my 7 yr old...I believe I gave her Lyme Disease. The last few weeks she has started in with some tummy trouble. We have been down this road before and I was so glad when I thought we were done with it. She has complained of a stomach ache for almost 2 weeks straight. She says she feels like she is going to throw up and never does. How she describes her pain and where it is, is almost identical to the stomach problems I had that started so long ago. Of course now the assumption is that mine is/was probably Lyme related. She has also been having dizzy spells. She only had one or two before her annual checkup. However at her checkup her pediatrician found an irregular heart beat. The rhythm stip they did looked normal be we need to followup with the cardiologist. She has continued to complain of being dizzy on occasion. You have heard my cardiac history and my complaints of being dizzy. Then tonight the clincher came. She started breaking out in hives or a rash. Again. She suffered from this when she was younger like 2/3/4. She would break out in these rashes for no apparent reason. We would take her to urgent care or her doctor. Of course, half of the time the rash was close to being gone by the time a doctor saw here. She was given some allergy test due to her stomach troubles and told she had some mild allergies to stuff but we could never corolate the rash to having or being exposed to something she was allergic to. The rashes have varied in appearance and have shown up all over her trunk or sometime her face. That is where is started tonight. We can give her some benadryl which helps a little but the rash or hives can come and go for days. We have always been told they don't know what it is or that it is most likely viral. At his point I am begining to believe it is most likely Lyme. Part of me gets really upset when I think about it. I don't want her to suffer at all. No parent wants that for their kid. I don't want her to be scared because she has seen what this stupid disease has done to me. At the same time though, I would have an answer. God help us if we have to go through what I have gone through to try an find an answer. At least I have become much more of an advocate for my own health and the health of my family. I will not accept an answer I am not comfortable with. I feel blessed though that I have a great team of doctors to start with regarding the Lyme. If Lyme is not the cause, I also love our pediatrician and know she will do whatever it takes to get an answer. It is very comforting when you hear specialists tell you that they take your referral very seriously becuase the doctor who referred your child doesn't do so unless she is concerned. If she is concerned the they are concerned and are going to go the extra mile just to make sure everything is okay. So I am confident we will get the right answer. This is just a road I wasn't expecting to have to go down. Take the Lyme out of the equation and I stilll wasn't expecting for my child to have problems. I don't think any parent does. Sorry to say it is just the world we live in. I am thankful my 4 yr old doesn't have any of those issues. The only thing we really have with her are almost bipolar mood swings. I am praying that is more of a phase. A very long phase to say the least. So hopefully I will have an answer her shortly. If and when things turn around.
Trusting God to get us through and get us an answer to the disability issue soon. I was thinking about it (like I ever stop) and am wondering if me getting an answer to disability after the first of the year is part of God's plan. Maybe we need to wait so if they approve it or I guess even if they don't our taxes this year will be way different for the better. I may never know the reason things are taking so long and i know what I need to stop trying to figure everything out all of the time. I'm just saying it crossed my mind.
Well, it is late and I have to get up early to take my Maggie in to get her broken tooth pulled. I still have a lot of things I want to write about but I am tired and I hurt so I guess it is off to bed for me until another day. It is funny how much blogging can help to try and clear my mind. If no one ever read this it would be okay just because I feel like I was able to get rid of some of the stuff weighing me down or going through my brain. I wish I had a talent for writing so this would be more interesting to read. My thoughts just seem to come out in a random rambling fashion just like they are in my brain. One of the Lyme blogs I follow, is such a good read. This poor family is going through hell on earth but the way the mom writes it is like reading a story. Even when things are bad she has a way of making me laugh or cry and I feel like she is just amazing women to be around. She seems like so much fun even in all of her pain. My way of writing is what it is though. I won't throw this away or be hard on myself like I was reading my childhood diary. This is just the way I am...take or leave it.
As the year is coming to a close I have so much going through my mind. I feel like I have a lot of this things from 2010 that I still need to deal with yet I am so ready for a new year. I know we can have a fresh start anytime but I always appreciate the start of a new year. It just feels "official" to me. A lot of what I feel I have left to deal with has to do with finances or lack there of. Besides catching up on some bills, one of top priorities I have when things turn around with the money is to get both of the girls tested for Lyme.
I am afraid I already know the answer when it comes to my 7 yr old...I believe I gave her Lyme Disease. The last few weeks she has started in with some tummy trouble. We have been down this road before and I was so glad when I thought we were done with it. She has complained of a stomach ache for almost 2 weeks straight. She says she feels like she is going to throw up and never does. How she describes her pain and where it is, is almost identical to the stomach problems I had that started so long ago. Of course now the assumption is that mine is/was probably Lyme related. She has also been having dizzy spells. She only had one or two before her annual checkup. However at her checkup her pediatrician found an irregular heart beat. The rhythm stip they did looked normal be we need to followup with the cardiologist. She has continued to complain of being dizzy on occasion. You have heard my cardiac history and my complaints of being dizzy. Then tonight the clincher came. She started breaking out in hives or a rash. Again. She suffered from this when she was younger like 2/3/4. She would break out in these rashes for no apparent reason. We would take her to urgent care or her doctor. Of course, half of the time the rash was close to being gone by the time a doctor saw here. She was given some allergy test due to her stomach troubles and told she had some mild allergies to stuff but we could never corolate the rash to having or being exposed to something she was allergic to. The rashes have varied in appearance and have shown up all over her trunk or sometime her face. That is where is started tonight. We can give her some benadryl which helps a little but the rash or hives can come and go for days. We have always been told they don't know what it is or that it is most likely viral. At his point I am begining to believe it is most likely Lyme. Part of me gets really upset when I think about it. I don't want her to suffer at all. No parent wants that for their kid. I don't want her to be scared because she has seen what this stupid disease has done to me. At the same time though, I would have an answer. God help us if we have to go through what I have gone through to try an find an answer. At least I have become much more of an advocate for my own health and the health of my family. I will not accept an answer I am not comfortable with. I feel blessed though that I have a great team of doctors to start with regarding the Lyme. If Lyme is not the cause, I also love our pediatrician and know she will do whatever it takes to get an answer. It is very comforting when you hear specialists tell you that they take your referral very seriously becuase the doctor who referred your child doesn't do so unless she is concerned. If she is concerned the they are concerned and are going to go the extra mile just to make sure everything is okay. So I am confident we will get the right answer. This is just a road I wasn't expecting to have to go down. Take the Lyme out of the equation and I stilll wasn't expecting for my child to have problems. I don't think any parent does. Sorry to say it is just the world we live in. I am thankful my 4 yr old doesn't have any of those issues. The only thing we really have with her are almost bipolar mood swings. I am praying that is more of a phase. A very long phase to say the least. So hopefully I will have an answer her shortly. If and when things turn around.
Trusting God to get us through and get us an answer to the disability issue soon. I was thinking about it (like I ever stop) and am wondering if me getting an answer to disability after the first of the year is part of God's plan. Maybe we need to wait so if they approve it or I guess even if they don't our taxes this year will be way different for the better. I may never know the reason things are taking so long and i know what I need to stop trying to figure everything out all of the time. I'm just saying it crossed my mind.
Well, it is late and I have to get up early to take my Maggie in to get her broken tooth pulled. I still have a lot of things I want to write about but I am tired and I hurt so I guess it is off to bed for me until another day. It is funny how much blogging can help to try and clear my mind. If no one ever read this it would be okay just because I feel like I was able to get rid of some of the stuff weighing me down or going through my brain. I wish I had a talent for writing so this would be more interesting to read. My thoughts just seem to come out in a random rambling fashion just like they are in my brain. One of the Lyme blogs I follow, is such a good read. This poor family is going through hell on earth but the way the mom writes it is like reading a story. Even when things are bad she has a way of making me laugh or cry and I feel like she is just amazing women to be around. She seems like so much fun even in all of her pain. My way of writing is what it is though. I won't throw this away or be hard on myself like I was reading my childhood diary. This is just the way I am...take or leave it.
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