Tuesday, January 12, 2016

New Hope

A very late Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all. I love this time of year, starting at Thanksgiving until the new year begins. I've always loved New Years resolutions although I can't say that I have ever kept any. I like the idea. A new year always feels like a fresh start so I enjoy thinking about some things I want to work on changing or goals and dreams I have for me and my family in the coming months. This year was no different, with the exception of my health being number one on my list. Many people want to eat a little healthier or work out regularly but for the last 6 years mine has been to beat Lyme and everything that has come with it.

I was thinking earlier about how many people ask how I am doing and are surprised to find out I am still fighting and that I really haven't made any improvement. "You look good" "I always see you doing things" "You wouldn't know there was anything wrong" I get it. I see how people can be confused but I think I figured it out. In my particular case, we believe I got Lyme Disease about 30 years ago when I was around 8 yrs old. I was bit by a tick right here in San Diego. Lyme was new on the scene and it was thought there was no way it could be here in California, plus I didn't develop a bulls eye rash so there was no need to worry. I also didn't become suddenly ill. I didn't wake up paralyzed or suffer from anything to raise any serious red flags. My mom will tell you I complained of stomach aches often and I struggled with remembering things or staying organized but not of it interfered in my daily life. More than likely my body was able to keep the Lyme in check. Over the years I had numerous viruses like most people and that probably began weakening my immune system. 

Looking back, high school is when things began to turn. I was sick to my stomach a lot and was finding I was extremely tired. No test the doctors did ever seemed to show anything and I just figured I was over stressed and not taking great care of my self. I learned to adjust to how I felt on a daily basis and that became my new normal. After having my first daughter some things started happening with my heart and my ability to focus. I was diagnosed with ADHD after returning to work sometime around 2003/2004. I had my second daughter in 2006. Issues with my heart continued and became a little more bothersome, my ability to focus and stay on track continued and I was going on 11 years of being tired. In 2008, just a couple weeks after participating in the Breast Cancer 3-Day 60 mile walk things really began to go down hill. I look back now and realize the stress of 2 pregnancies and participating in this event just pushed my body over the edge. 

When I was diagnosed in 2010 my health was at an all time low. I would say the stress and side effects of treatment pushed things a little further and that is where I have remained. For those of you that were around when I was diagnosed, it looks like things have improved but the reality is I have adjusted to a new normal.  I have felt like this for so long the not feeling good is a daily thing. I've learned how to function somewhat with the current level of bad. I've got out of posting about it all the time because I know I people get tired of hearing it and frankly I know I shouldn't dwell in that dark place. There are still many days where getting the kids to and from school is all I can manage. I push my limits to be there for my kids because it helps me feel somewhat normal and it means the world to them. I'm continuing to wait for my miracle and try to figure out what to try next. I have been blessed in countless ways during these last 6 years so please know I have a lot I am thankful for. I am just not ready to settle and believe this will be as good as it gets. 

A few months ago you may remember me writing about my journey with the Whole30. While I am still proud of 30 days with no dairy, added sugar of any kind, grains, alcholhol, and legumes I didn't give it long enough for my situation. The reintroduction of certain foods opened the flood gates and old habits and cravings were right back. I can tell you that in those 30 days, my skin looked better and I lost weight. I may have even had a slight reduction in my pain. What I have dealt with the last month or 2 since stopping has been nothing short of intense. I would even be willing to say I had some of my worst moments since being diagnosed. The joint pain I had in my fingers and toes got worse and now was in my elbows and knees. I had widespread muscle aches, I was having multiple seizure like episodes a week and was sleeping my days away. I had a big reality check when I went outside to shoot baskets with the kids on the hoop they got for Christmas. I didn't have the strength to get the ball to the hoop and after about 2 minutes I was done. It made it very clear that if things didn't turn around soon and if I didn't find a way to start building up my body that I will be in a wheel chair shortly. Somethings got to give. 

I still don't fully understand how I could go to feeling that much worse when I didn't really feel noticeably better. When I started to fight the sugar demon right away I knew 30 days wasn't long enough and the creators of the Whole30 say up front for Lyme or other illnesses plan on doing it longer. I'm not happy about it, but I am currently on day 8 of a Whole90. Yest that is 90 days! Thankfully no one has been injured this first week but I apologize now for my attitude if you have to deal with me these next few weeks. I have stopped doing my IV ozone as I wasn't feeling any better doing it and most days I was to exhausted to get my self to the doctors any ways. Plus it's not cheap. I will see my doctor in February and am hoping to start the Low Dose Antigen therapy I talked about sometime soon. With a few medications and all my supplements, I am back to taking about 30 pills a day. I am hoping between the diet, the supplements, the support of essential oils and the addition of LDA that I can finally get my life back. 

I'm choosing to use the New Year to inspire New Hope for putting this disease in remission and reclaiming my life. Praying that 2016 is a year filled with health and happiness for all of you.