Thursday, April 29, 2010

Going Green- Lyme Green

It is very interesting sometimes when you get what you prayed for, asked for, wished for, wanted...I guess there is truth in the saying "Be careful what you wish for"!I got what I wanted this week but somehow it has left me speechless. ME of all people does not seem to have anything to say...however I'm sure as I sit here the numbness that has taken over my brain will fade and the thoughts will come pouring out and I will once again struggle to type as fast as my brain is going.
I have struggled with not feeling well for a very long time. The most significant thing I remember was going through a lot of testing to find the source of my stomach trouble sometime ago. Over and over the test would come back negative for anything specific. We can't find anything wrong with you I would hear. We slowly ruled out anything the doctors could think of that made sense at the time and was left being told I had an irritable stomach (to put it nicely). I got a list of all the foods to stay away from and just had to deal. Then I remember feeling tired all the time. Just tired, more tired than I should be I thought. Next came the dizzy feelings, like everything was moving and it wasn't. I would feel week in the knees and legs. Symptoms would come and go. Sometimes I would really feel good and then something new would surface. I haven't slept well in years. But I have young kids so that is normal right? On and on the list of symptoms could go. There have been many little things in between that were easy to brush off as "normal". Then came being winded easily, a heart rate so high at times I even stumped the cardiologist, and then the numbness. Over a period of about 4 days I had extreme muscle pain and lost all of the strength in my arms. How would you feel if one morning you couldn't get the toothpaste out of the tube despite how hard you tried? Doctors, specialists, therapists... you have ADD, your depressed, and your anxious. You are doing this to yourself. WOW! I have let myself become so stressed and anxious I have caused myself to be sick and miserable...? Really? Maybe I am losing it. Really though?
It never sat well with me. I tried to buy it for a little bit but it never felt right. So I've cried, I've prayed, I've yelled, I've been close to my breaking point knowing deep down inside something else had to be going on. This week God gave me the answer I have been searching for...I have Chronic Lyme Disease.
I have had heard of Lyme Disease like many other get it from a deer tick in the Midwest or on the east coast right? No big deal. A tiny little insect couldn't cause this much chaos. Some antibiotics and I should be good to go. Unfortunately that isn't case. What my research over the past few months has uncovered (ever since this possibility was brought up) is a large number of people who have been suffering for years being told they have nothing wrong with them or being misdiagnosed with ALS, FibroM, Lupus, ADD...only to find a tiny insect has left them to fight a horrific battle sometimes for their lives. They are left to fight with very little support as this diagnosis is currently a huge controversy in the medical community. My research uncovered just another example how off track things have gotten in this world as money is ruler over all. I had decided before my diagnosis that I was going to join the fight against lyme disease nonsense in the medical community for those who were too sick fighting the disease itself. Now just in "tyme" (to borrow this word) for Lyme Disease Awareness month which is May I will be joining the fight on two fronts.
God has a purpose for this I know. My prayer now is that in all of this His glory can shine through. For it will only be with His strength that I can win this battle!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Impatiently Waiting

Over the years I have a become a very impatient person. I don't really know that I was ever super patient but I do know at some point I had more patience then I do now. Being impatient and impulsive seem to go hand in hand for me. I am certainly seeing the benefit to not being so impulsive and taking my time when making a decision on things. I know there is a good side to being patient as well but this is a tough one for me. I try to not rush things or make things happen but to let "nature take its course so to speak". I must admit I don't like it. I am just not sure where this all comes from.
So the thing that got me going on this subject is medical test results. I got impatient last week and called the lab to see when they would anticipate my blood work to be done. They were very kind and said they would expect Friday and they would fax them to the doc as soon as they had them. Well work kept me fairly occupied Friday so I didn't focus to much on getting a phone call or message. I got neither. Bright and early yesterday morning I called and e-mailed to doc just to let them know I was looking forward to hearing from them. Nothing. Tried the doc and then the lab today. What do you know, they had the results early and sent them to the doc last Wednesday. Of course now I'm thinking maybe they didn't get them. Well they did get the results and I should have figured I would get no info until I come into the office. I can't wait until Thursday. I don't think I could wait just to drive down to San Diego. I don't have a choice. Wait I must. I am hoping I get the message there has been a cancellation but for now I will have to wait, impatiently I might add, until 10 a.m. Thursday morning. Is it Thursday yet?

Saturday, April 24, 2010

What Am I Doing?

I can't say I really understand this blogging thing or the reason I decided to try it. I guess the main reason is that I am talker or maybe a better name would be a rambler. You don't have to know me very long before you realize that I tend to talk alot about anything and everything. I don't think it's that I really have a lot to say but more so that I have a brain that operates at hyper speed almost all the time. I can talk fairly fast but not nearly fast enough to keep up with my brain. I recently started keeping a journal and found it is somewhat helpful in purging my brain allowing me to either focus on what I should be or nothing at all allowing me to get some sleep. I also figured this may help me reduce the amount of talking I do. That would be a blessing to my friends and family (especially my husband) or just about anyone who has been or may be the victim of ramblings. I figured if you have come here to read what I have to say at least it was voluntary. You can close me out anytime you like regardless of the reason and you won't hurt my feelings. I don't even have to know you were ever here.

I titled my blog random thought because that is just what you are going to read. Some days I may have profound insights written in perfect English (although I am sure those may be few and far between) while other days I will have completely left out words and you may not be able to follow my train of thought. At the age of 32 I am just beginning to accept this part of myself, along with some other things. It may not be my most attractive quality but it is uniquely me.

So let this journey begin. If I can type just half as much as I talk, some of you may have something new to put you to sleep every night!