It is very interesting sometimes when you get what you prayed for, asked for, wished for, wanted...I guess there is truth in the saying "Be careful what you wish for"!I got what I wanted this week but somehow it has left me speechless. ME of all people does not seem to have anything to say...however I'm sure as I sit here the numbness that has taken over my brain will fade and the thoughts will come pouring out and I will once again struggle to type as fast as my brain is going.
I have struggled with not feeling well for a very long time. The most significant thing I remember was going through a lot of testing to find the source of my stomach trouble sometime ago. Over and over the test would come back negative for anything specific. We can't find anything wrong with you I would hear. We slowly ruled out anything the doctors could think of that made sense at the time and was left being told I had an irritable stomach (to put it nicely). I got a list of all the foods to stay away from and just had to deal. Then I remember feeling tired all the time. Just tired, more tired than I should be I thought. Next came the dizzy feelings, like everything was moving and it wasn't. I would feel week in the knees and legs. Symptoms would come and go. Sometimes I would really feel good and then something new would surface. I haven't slept well in years. But I have young kids so that is normal right? On and on the list of symptoms could go. There have been many little things in between that were easy to brush off as "normal". Then came being winded easily, a heart rate so high at times I even stumped the cardiologist, and then the numbness. Over a period of about 4 days I had extreme muscle pain and lost all of the strength in my arms. How would you feel if one morning you couldn't get the toothpaste out of the tube despite how hard you tried? Doctors, specialists, therapists... you have ADD, your depressed, and your anxious. You are doing this to yourself. WOW! I have let myself become so stressed and anxious I have caused myself to be sick and miserable...? Really? Maybe I am losing it. Really though?
It never sat well with me. I tried to buy it for a little bit but it never felt right. So I've cried, I've prayed, I've yelled, I've been close to my breaking point knowing deep down inside something else had to be going on. This week God gave me the answer I have been searching for...I have Chronic Lyme Disease.
I have had heard of Lyme Disease like many other people...you get it from a deer tick in the Midwest or on the east coast right? No big deal. A tiny little insect couldn't cause this much chaos. Some antibiotics and I should be good to go. Unfortunately that isn't case. What my research over the past few months has uncovered (ever since this possibility was brought up) is a large number of people who have been suffering for years being told they have nothing wrong with them or being misdiagnosed with ALS, FibroM, Lupus, ADD...only to find a tiny insect has left them to fight a horrific battle sometimes for their lives. They are left to fight with very little support as this diagnosis is currently a huge controversy in the medical community. My research uncovered just another example how off track things have gotten in this world as money is ruler over all. I had decided before my diagnosis that I was going to join the fight against lyme disease nonsense in the medical community for those who were too sick fighting the disease itself. Now just in "tyme" (to borrow this word) for Lyme Disease Awareness month which is May I will be joining the fight on two fronts.
God has a purpose for this I know. My prayer now is that in all of this His glory can shine through. For it will only be with His strength that I can win this battle!