Saturday, May 1, 2010
I didn't think I was going to jump on the typical roller coaster of emotion that people normally do following a serious diagnosis. I guess I thought since I had done all of this research about Lyme and had just wanted an answer so I felt like I could move forward, I figured I was going to be okay with it. Over the last few days I don't know that I have been okay with it. I don't know how I have been with it. In some ways I have been almost numb. I am definitely scared. I wasn't scared before but I am scared now. I have a million questions going through my head that where I thought I had all of the answers. I knew so much already now I feel so unsure. I am realizing that the reason I have been tested to my breaking point so many times recently and had gotten to a place where I felt I couldn't take anymore and had to learn to totally rely on God was for this moment. I have no choice but to rely on God to carry me through this. I have to rely on the fact that God's strength and not my own is the only way I can survive and fight back. He has a plan in all of this and all things are used for good. I just have to allow His glory to shine through this time and let Him carry me.