Thursday, May 6, 2010
I've officially completed my first week of being a "lymie" or a "spirochick". Lymie is how a lot of people with lyme disease refer to themselves. Spriochick is a name I've seen a few times for some girls with lyme. The name comes from the nasty little spirochite bugs that are making us so sick. I still feel like I'm caught somewhere between a state of numbness and reality. The image of the test results seem to run through my head "POSITIVE"! Where on one hand I am so thankful I am not crazy and this isn't some pyschosomatic thing my brain made up...I'm not going to lie, I'm angry and I'm scared. My whole world is being turned upside down by some little bacteria just causing havoc all over my body. That inturn affects my marriage, my kids, my family, my friends, my job, my finances, etc...If this was just a matter of taking some antibiotics for a few weeks and getting on with life then no big deal. Ths disease has messed with me so long I'm not even well enough to start antibiotics without an almost guarenteed trip to ER. Add to it the fact that I look normal. If you saw me walking down the street or driving by you probably wouldn't have the slightest idea the pain and problems that are just begining to show themselves. I know though, my family has some idea. When my husband looks at me funny during church because the involuntary ticks and muscle contractions are making my whole are or leg move. I just have to shrug my shoulders. No one can tell right now when my face goes numb but I have to look in the mirror to see if paralysis has set in. I know when my heart has jumped up to 200 + beats a minute or I am out of breath climbing a flight of stairs...no else may even notice. To think this is just the begining. I know I have to fight through this and take the medicine to get better. It's not easy when everyone says it's worth it in the end but you are going to go through living hell first...With the help of God, the loving support of my family and friends, the knowledge of my doctor(s), and my will to be here for my kids- I will get through this. I will survive and be a stronger person for it. I am hoping through my good days and bad that I can share what this disease is like, be able to learn something about myself, and provide support to others along the way.