Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Not Sure What to Say
I figured I would become a blogging maniac since I almost always seem to rambling on about something. I'll admit sometimes the on-going chatter is only in my mind but it seems to be endlessly coming from me in some way. I attempted to do a little update the other night but knew I should be really going to bed early. I got a few things started and just decided to not bother and try again another day. So here I am, late afternoon, not at work because I had the day off for a field trip with my daughter. I really have some things around the house to do since I am not feeling to bad but I wanted to put a few minutes in to clear my mind and make sure I am keeping up somewhat on this journey. Knowing my last post was about a week into dealing with this diagnosis and what I was feeling and thinking I don't think I can say much has changed. I did go ahead with the rest of the blood work to test for co-infections that my doctor wanted. I did start something new. I did take the positive test to my primary care doc...Okay so let me go over that. Unfortunately, just as I thought my pc doc really didn't want to have any of it. He say the positive test results, still feels I don't have it and even if I did it's not a big deal. I mean he basically asked me or stated something along the lines of "You know you don't have anything seriously wrong with you, right?" My response was really just a blank look which he responded "I guess you don't fully believe that..." and continued to expound on why I have nothing seriously wrong with me. It took all I had to not explode in anger or burst into to tears or both. The more I thought about it, maybe he is right and I am wrong. Why on earth should a women in her early 30's who has been fairly active her whole life and has no crazy medical history be concerned when the last 6 to 10 years of her life, most specifically the last 2 1/2 yrs have gone something like this...dizziness/lightheadedness that would come out of no where, ADHD diagnosis, not able to fall asleep or stay asleep, fatigue that has just gotten worse, heart palpitations, shortness of breath from things like climbing one flight of stairs, heart rate that has exceeded 270 bpm at least once and spontaneously jumps to over 200 just because, muscle aches for no reason, numbness-tingling-weakness in arms, legs, and face, nerve pain-burning and pins and needles, asthma diagnosis, anxiety and depression diagnosis. Oh that's right it is all anxiety and I have done it to myself. No of those symptoms really mean anything. Are you flippin kidding me? This is where my ability to hyperfocus, talk a lot, and research online and through books plus (and most importantly) the help of God paid off. I know in my heart that LYME is what has been making me so sick. I am just dumbfounded that so many in the medical community are unaware and/or uneducated regarding this disease and that on top of it they won't admit it. Instead of telling me they have never treated anyone with Lyme, they haven't studied it much in recent years, they are not comfortable treating it...anything that would be an honest answer they would rather make me feel like I'm losing my mind, making things up, or that it may be real but don't worry, it's not going to kill me. Put your pride and financial gain aside for a minute and go back to treating patients the way you should. Don't throw medication at me that will mask or reduce my symptoms and be satisfied with the fact that you don't know why I have the symptoms to begin with. You don't have to believe in God to at least consider that our bodies were designed to function a certain way and when symptoms appear that were not there before it is a sign that something is not working right. Shouldn't you want to fix that as a doctor? If I were a doctor I would want to help people stay healthy to begin with and help them heal and get back to being healthy when something was wrong. I guess this is just part of the huge mess our "health care" system is in. Doctors getting bonuses from drug companies for using their drugs...Insurance companies making decisions that could save or take a persons life based on how much money they may lose. Guidelines for diagnosis and treatment of diseases being written by doctors who have something financial to gain or only using papers written by themselves or their universities when writing these guidelines. It is a very sad and disturbing time we are in...you have to take charge of your own health. The doctors and insurance companies for the most part don't have your best interest at heart.