Wednesday, March 23, 2011


Yes I am using Charlie Sheen's word. Winning! It describes perfectly how I feel this morning. If you thought any of my other posts rambled on or bounced around you haven't seen anything. I am going to try to keep this short just because my brain is going 100 mph right now. It is a good thing. Not being able to focus isn't so good but overall this morning is great. I have not felt this way since at least high school. I honestly didn't think I would ever feel this way again. Even if it is short lived this morning, that is fine with me. Basically I am internally bouncing off the walls. I feel like I need to go run around the block or jump up and down. The energy can't seem to find an outlet. If I had someone to talk to this energy would be coming out of my mouth. You would probably wonder what I was on. There are a handful of people in my life that have had the "pleasure" of experiencing me when I have been this way. Sarah, Angie and one of my oldest and bestest friends in the whole world, Shauna. This feeling isn't sugar or caffeine related. I always said I was just high on life. I feel like I am in junior high again being my goofy self. I remember Sarah writing in our year book one of the things she remembered about our time in Jr. High was "Jessica's constant dancing". She was right. I was constantly dancing, just had the need to move. I still dance a little when a good song comes on. I would say there is no denying I feel like I am getting better.
I am not naive to the fact that I very well may relapse and I can't feel like this forever. In fact, last night I felt horrible. The fact that God has given me a little time to feel like this today though is a blessing. I feel like I could conquer the world. It actually made me cry a little. I don't feel like I am getting my life back. I feel like I am getting my first stab at life since I have had this disease for so long. Although I didn't feel horrible until later in my life, I realize that I have probably never felt as good as I could. I feel like I have to chase that down. Today has renewed my hope and gotten my really excited. This is just the boost I needed. This past week has been a little rough symptom wise. The lyme has definitely messed with my mood and had me on a roller coaster. I have had a short fuse with my family which I hate. So emotionally I have had some highs and lows and I know I still have a long way to go but I can't say enough about how I feel right now. Yay! I still need to rest and not over do it. I knew though that I couldn't let this moment pass without sharing it. You have stood by me as I have shared all of the tough times with this disease. It wouldn't be right for me to ignore the good. The power of positive thinking is something my husband tells me about all the time. I know he is right so here is to the good, however long it lasts. (Still internally bouncing off the walls. Love it!)

1 comment:

  1. Glad you're having such a good morning. You brought a smile to my face, remembering how you *did* always dance back in the day. Thanks for the memory, Jess.