Let me start by saying this week has continued to be a tough one symptom wise. I still have some how managed to have this little improvement early in the day where even though I am tire I feel like I have had more energy than I have in a while. So that improvement has been sticking around which is good. Being my lyme cycle week though I have had an increase in my joint pain and been cold a lot. I have also had an occasional twitch and had a horrific headache. Now it is hard to say where the headache came from weather my back is messed up or what but Wednesday night I felt horrible. I haven't had a headache like that in a long time. Thankful it was gone in the morning. I have also had pretty awful stomach problems this week. They started probably Monday and are just starting to slow down. I ate and took my meds Monday and Tuesday but I didn't really take any oral meds Wed or Thurs due to how messed up my stomach was. I have been taking my probiotics like they were candy and taking activated charcoal. Finally this morning things are slowing down. I can't tell what the cause is which is always frustrating. Is it IBS type stuff that i have had for years although it doesn't hurt like that usually does. Is it one of the stomach bugs that has been floating around, is it medication related or just lyme related. Who knows. I am hoping I can continue getting rid of it today. I wanted to loose a few pounds but not this way.
Now onto the bigger news. I was able to get my labs faxed over and yesterday morning I received my response from Germany. I was nervous and excited at the same time as I tried to scroll through all of the attachments in my e-mail. The bummer was all of the prices were in Euros. I didn't know for sure it was Euros and when I did the conversion the first time I used DEM (I can't spell that out but I think you know what I mean -"d marks" ha ha) Shame on me for not being up on world currency. Well the D-Marks would have been better because the price was cheaper but then I realized it was Euros which was higher. Some people have been appalled at the price estimate I am about to share with you. I don't like it but I don't know if I am totally shocked. It certainly makes this a very difficult decision for me, or should I say us. Here it goes... For 21 days of treatment, room and board including 3 meals a day, and round trip airfare it would cost approximately $65, 000. Okay so that is a lot of money. I am not ready to just let go of the idea though. My treatment proposal doesn't get extremely detailed but covers lab work they would do, some of the treatments, general medications cost without naming meds, IV therapy etc...and I don't know, it just seems like where I want to go. There are a couple of issues that make this difficult besides the money. One is, my blood work says I am making improvement and two there are no guarantees Germany will do for me what it has for other people. I realize there are no treatment guarantees with anything but that is a big leap to go out of the country for three weeks banking on a big success. I have been blessed and with the cost of my treatment here and the way things are going I don't see us spending $65,000 out of pocket. At this point we don't have access to that kind of money. That is not say God won't make something happen but that is for Him to know. If Germany is where I need to be He will open the right doors. To try and set that amount of money as a fundraising goal seems a little crazy. Again I guess that is not really for me to decide. We could use some help to cover some of these expenses right now and I am hoping to figure out a couple of fundraising type of ideas. I guess the biggest thing we can do is just pray about it and seek God's guidance. I do feel so blessed with where God has led us so far on this journey as tough as it's been. I am not convinced we are out of the woods yet but only time will tell. I am really trying to keep a positive outlook but I also try to be realistic. I guess it really is good to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. :) There are days when I just know I have done to much or I am pushing myself to far. The thought of going to Germany and having 21 days to do nothing but focus on me and getting better sounds amazing. No housekeeping, taking care of kids, feeding the family, paying bills. As much as there have been times I have just wanted to check out of my life for a while I haven't been able to do that. Trying to find that balance of taking care of yourself and not just giving up on everything in your life is tough. My husband and I just had a big discussion on this. There have only been a handful of times where I have just been done and gone into hibernation. Most of the days you know I am alive and and around somewhere even if I am just hanging out on the couch. I push through pain and feeling sick. As much as I am vocal about not feeling good or about this stupid disease there is so much more that you don't hear. I try to not be a complainer and I have to say I feel I have done okay. I could do better but I do push through so much more than people realize. Anyways, I got off track. So with that being said- Germany or not, that is the question?