Friday, March 25, 2011

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

I know my title is backwards from what you would normally say but in my attempt to keep a positive attitude I decided that I very possibly have taken two steps forward and the last day and half is only one step back. I don't really need to tell you that my hyperactive crazy good feeling that came on Wednesday did not last.  I knew it wouldn't but I was hoping for some continued forward progress at least. Unfortunately in a matter of about 24 hours things kind of got turned upside down again. I can say though that I am handling it better. The ups and downs and disappointments that is. It's so funny how when you think you have learned your lesson or that you can't grow any more God says, "Oh ya, watch this!". Okay God, I am trying to listen to see what lesson you have for me know. I will admit though, that it doesn't seem to take as much to get my attention. I am ready to see that God has something for me in much smaller things so He doesn't have to take a 2x4 and hit me upside the head like he did a little while ago. I would say that is progress.

So Wednesday was crazy in a good way as you already know. I was able to make it my daughters softball game, it didn't get rained out, she scored a run, and they won. Great evening! We get home, eat dinner and then Brooke (4) starts grabbing her ear and crying saying it hurts. She had tubes put in at about 17 months and she still has one of them in. Of course the ear that hurts is the one that the tube came out of a month or two ago. She was in a lot of pain. She has never complained about anything like she was that night. Just in tears over how bad it hurt. It was 10 and too late to take her to Urgent Care. She didn't have a fever just in a lot of pain. It was a long night to say the least. She woke up yesterday, still in pain, with a fever and then started throwing up. And so the fun began. Off to the doctor, full on ear infection, got the abx. The pain is subsiding a little and she is a little perkier today. She has continued to throw up though. This child has the worst time with upset stomachs in that she can go 24 hours without throwing up and then it starts again. Lots of probiotics to say the least. Hoping things calm down as the day goes on. I hate it when the kids are sick but I do love how cuddly they are. Unfortunately my wonderful feeling didn't last and I was in a fair amount of bone, joint and muscle pain. Plus I had some familiar pain that made me think I have/had an ovarian cyst. It wouldn't be the first time. Just what I need. Feeling a little better today though. I guess the blessing in disguise is that with Brooke being sick I couldn't work out.

I guess I need to back up and say I have been trying to get things back on track with a rough week last week and also with feeling better. I haven't done everything I should be doing on a regular basis, I admit it. Well I decided I need to start the physical fitness part of this recovery so I can build up some strength again before I get thrown back into my "normal" life. There is a gym really close to my house that is only $10 a month and no contract. I went in and checked it out on Wednesday and was so excited to sign up and go for my first work out yesterday. Well the sign up got postponed with Brooke not feeling good and so did working out yesterday. I guess with how I felt a little later in the day I guess that may have been a good thing. Let me just clarify my workout right now will involve walking about 45 minutes on the treadmill. I may do some lower body strengthening but can't do anything for upper body with my port. I realize this is just a little hiccup and I am hoping to sign up today and go tonight or for sure tomorrow.

To tag onto the idea of getting things back on track I have been of course trying to still work on the diet thing. It always feels good when we eat at home and eat healthy but sometimes life just seems to make that really tough. Last week was one of those times with softball 4 days, 3 of them nights which makes the family late on everything. Anyways, I have trying to do some more research on Lyme and different protocols and relapsing and hitting rock bottom and just everything. I am excited for my progress but as I kind of mentioned I am a little shocked I guess that things are improving. I guess the bottom line is I shouldn't question it and should just consider myself blessed that my treatment appears to be working. So many other people just don't seem to be getting better so it becomes confusing. I guess my mind set is that I need to do everything I can including everything I should have been doing but haven't to help my progress continue to move foreword. One of the things I have been considering is buying a portable FIR sauna. (Infrared Sauna) I have used one a couple of times and have liked it. It is supposed to be great for helping to detox and anyone can benefit from it. Now our friends bought a nice one and have offered it up for me to use. I still haven't taken them up on that offer and I don't know why. I am limited with my number of days I can do it with my port and I just haven't gone. I think having one at home I can do whenever I want and I don't have to drive anywhere would be the best. I know a few lymies that have them, and love them. The surprising part is you can get one for under $200. At this point, I think it is definitely worth the investment. So helping detox, working out, getting better on the diet...what ever needs to happen. My doctor also said he may be getting a coil machine which I can use. I'm not going to take the time to try and explain it all here but you can look up coil, Rife, or Doug Coil machines on line to see what it is all about. It has to do with different bugs, parasites, whatever, having their own frequency that they emit and if you send that frequency back it destroys them or something along those lines. Look it up if you want the real story. :)

Back to the ups and downs or forward and backwards I guess. My emotions were turned upside down and I was thrown for a little bit of a loop last night in regards to work. I will say that my leave without pay was approved until June 1 which is great. At the same time I am really feeling like if I don't get well enough to get back by then that I may be done. That is just me. That is adding to the pressure and my resolve to get done with this sooner than later. Some other things with work didn't go as I had hoped and just the way my mind works I took it very personally. I am very lucky my husband is so grounded and can offer my a totally different perspective. The tears didn't last long but I am still a little emotional from it all. I had finally started feeling like some of the stress and worry had left and I was okay with where things were headed. All of this kind of just rocked my stability and made me questions everything all over. I realized fairly quickly though that God is still in control. Me worrying about things won't change the outcome and is probably not good for me anyways. I think this is God's way of saying, hey don't forget about me just because things are looking up. It's not that I am not praising Him in the good times but I have a tendency to start relying on me again when things go good. Well God got my attention quick this time and I still need Him as much as I did a month or two ago.

To switch subjects a little, I will say I think I have decided against Germany. I am so glad for my friend who has had great results over there and I pray they are lasting for her. My decision comes after receiving some advice from a very trusted person, not having access to that kind of money, and starting to see some improvements. So for now, I will pass on Germany and continue here. I must remember what a miracle it has been this past year and a few months to get where I am. Just to recap...I was referred to Dr. Joni Labbe (a chiropractor/nutritionist) who said in our first 20 minute consultation she thought I might Lyme. Although, I chose to move my care, if it was not for her, I don't believe I would be where I am today. She is amazing and has an incredible practice. If you just don't feel good and can't figure out why I would highly recommend seeing her. Once I felt that Lyme disease was the correct diagnosis, I had done enough research to know I needed an LL doctor, which is lyme literate doc. Those doctors are hard to come by and hard to find based on the fact that they often come under attack for their treatment. I went through the channels to get access to the "super secrete list" and found there were only two LLMD/LLND's in San Diego. I chose the lesser known of the two and have been blessed by her knowledge and care ever since. Extra cool that she is a Christian. She in turn referred me to Dr. James Novak in Pacific Beach as a primary care doctor. This was after my pc at the time told me my positive test results weren't true, that I didn't have Lyme, or anything seriously wrong with me at all. So glad I stood up for myself. Dr. Novak has been incredible. In fact, he is so well versed in Lyme that he and my LLND are treating my Lyme together. He did my port and does my IV's. He is the one that ordered this latest and greatest test. So I have been blessed with two doctors that work together. I keep each of them informed on what the other is doing and they usually support each others treatment ideas. In fact I have a long over due phone appt. with my LLND next week. I can't wait to talk to her and see what she has to say on a couple of things. I will certainly keep you posted after I talk with her.

Well know that this post has gotten really long and I have bounced all over the place, you at least know whats up. Keep the prayers coming as I can use them. I still need prayers for healing, discernment, finances, and just listening to what God wants me to do. Oh ya, and to stop worrying. He is in control. Thanks for following along and sharing this journey with me. I always appreciate your comments and questions.

1 comment:

  1. I feel like I am making some progress lately too. Interesting since we have been treated for around the same amount of time! I hope it keeps getting better for you!