Nervous doesn't even describe the feeling that is beginning to build up inside of me. The time has come when I must go back to work. First off I don't think I thought that I might be off as long as I have been. At the same time I knew when I left that there was no way to tell if or when I would start feeling better. I am fearful that the requirements of work are going to significantly affect my getting well. I have come to accept the fact that I very well may never get rid of this disease. I will most likely be plagued with some symptoms for the rest of my life. Although I have had some improvements I am not feeling like I thought I would when I went back to work. I have also had a very rough couple of weeks. A lot of my symptoms are less frequent. However, the pain in particular, has been less frequent but way more intense. When I do have bone or joint pain it has been running at 7 or 8 on a scale of 10. So that does present some challenges. I'm also realizing that when I herx or have a flare or just need to lay down which can come on at any moment of any day that I won't be at home to deal with it. If I am out and about now and that happens I can come home. I plan my trips out of the house carefully as far as not usually going far away and not putting myself in a position where I can't leave or if I did need to leave that it would ruin the trip. My husband has had to go and do things with out me because I didn't want to take the chance that I wouldn't feel good. I am working on having a positive attitude and bottom line is I have to give this a shot. I am going to leave this in God's hands. I won't put the financial needs above my health though.
There is a lot for me to do in the next few weeks in preparation for my return. I have really got to get a handle on tracking my symptoms and what I am taking and doing everyday. I really seem to have a handle on when my Lyme cycle is going to hit but there are certain times it lasts more than a week or I herx at times other than just that week or so. Since I have such a hard time getting in all my supplements, antibiotics, eating right and detoxing being gone a majority of the day is only going to make that worse. Plus the added stress. I know I need to reduce my stress as much as possible but I won't try and lie and say there is no stress in my work. The added stress for me usually means an increase in the junk...like the double chocolate chip muffins I love from the coffee shop across the street. Since sugar is supposed to be one of the worst things for me and I haven't done the best job of controlling it at home, I am concerned about how I will handle it at work. My will power and self control sucks to be blunt.
Well with that being said, I guess I just ask for extra prayers. My family, including my parents who have so kindly taken us in, have been tested in a lot of ways, especially the last week. Finances and my joint and bone pain are probably the top two concerns I have right now. Thanks again for following my journey. These next few weeks are going to be very interesting to say the least. Stay tuned!