Thursday, April 21, 2011

Can you say NERVOUS?

Nervous doesn't even describe the feeling that is beginning to build up inside of me. The time has come when I must go back to work. First off I don't think I thought that I might be off as long as I have been. At the same time I knew when I left that there was no way to tell if or when I would start feeling better. I am fearful that the requirements of work are going to significantly affect my getting well. I have come to accept the fact that I very well may never get rid of this disease. I will most likely be plagued with some symptoms for the rest of my life. Although I have had some improvements I am not feeling like I thought I would when I went back to work. I have also had a very rough couple of weeks. A lot of my symptoms are less frequent. However, the pain in particular, has been less frequent but way more intense. When I do have bone or joint pain it has been running at 7 or 8 on a scale of 10. So that does present some challenges. I'm also realizing that when I herx or have a flare or just need to lay down which can come on at any moment of any day that I won't be at home to deal with it. If I am out and about now and that happens I can come home. I plan my trips out of the house carefully as far as not usually going far away and not putting myself in a position where I can't leave or if I did need to leave that it would ruin the trip. My husband has had to go and do things with out me because I didn't want to take the chance that I wouldn't feel good. I am working on having a positive attitude and bottom line is I have to give this a shot. I am going to leave this in God's hands. I won't put the financial needs above my health though.
There is a lot for me to do in the next few weeks in preparation for my return. I have really got to get a handle on tracking my symptoms and what I am taking and doing everyday. I really seem to have a handle on when my Lyme cycle is going to hit but there are certain times it lasts more than a week or I herx at times other than just that week or so. Since I have such a hard time getting in all my supplements, antibiotics, eating right and detoxing being gone a majority of the day is only going to make that worse. Plus the added stress. I know I need to reduce my stress as much as possible but I won't try and lie and say there is no stress in my work. The added stress for me usually means an increase in the the double chocolate chip muffins I love from the coffee shop across the street. Since sugar is supposed to be one of the worst things for me and I haven't done the best job of controlling it at home, I am concerned about how I will handle it at work. My will power and self control sucks to be blunt.
Well with that being said, I guess I just ask for extra prayers. My family, including my parents who have so kindly taken us in, have been tested in a lot of ways, especially the last week. Finances and my joint and bone pain are probably the top two concerns I have right now. Thanks again for following my journey. These next few weeks are going to be very interesting to say the least. Stay tuned!

1 comment:

  1. Jessica~I am thinking of you!! You are an extremely strong woman and an excellent fire inspector!! Just take it one day at a time..maybe you can consult your physician(s) and see if there is a game plan you can come up with to get through the tough part of the day..are you going back full time or part time? Hopefully part time to ease back into it..Let me know if you need anything!

    Lots of Love!!