Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

After a kind of rough 2010, I have turned over a new leaf in 2011. From here on out, I am going to tell you all the truth. I have chosen to move my family in with my parents, cause my family significant emotional and financial stress, put my work in a tough spot by taking a leave of absence, take multiple pills everyday including high dose antibiotics that make me sick to my stomach, go through minor surgery that will leave me with physical scars, and undergo weekly IV treatments and multiple other needle sticks even though I have a phobia of needles, all for my personal enjoyment. I am not sick and I don't have Lyme Disease or anything else significantly wrong with me. At least that is the truth according my disability company that just denied my appeal. If they are telling the truth than that makes me a liar. Not only must I be lying, but the three doctors and one other holistic health practitioner I saw are all liars too.
So if you can't tell by now, I am angry, frustrated, hurt and dumbfounded beyond belief. Just a few hours ago I received the denial letter regarding my appeal for short term disability. Just like I said, the rep didn't call, she just dropped the letter in the mail. She could have told me last week she was preparing the denial letter. But in their typical fashion, they pretend they are still working on it and will let you know very soon. It only took them 88 days to tell me once again that me and my doctors are full of...for lack of a better term...full of chocolate pudding.
I only have two questions for my rep on Monday. Can I please have the name and phone number of the best person for my lawyer to call? When can I set up an appointment with one of your doctors? Since my three doctors are all wrong and they have all seen me, I would love for your doctor to do an exam and run some tests and tell me what the heck is wrong with me then. I will love to hear her answer. I was certainly holding out a little bit of hope that the answer would be different but I kind of knew if the back of my mind it was going to be a no. I am glad that in their letter they reference a job description for a Fire Inspector from some official manual or book that was updated in 1991. Glad they are using current information.
It will be pointless to rehash everything I have said more than once already about what a crime this whole thing is. I could devote the rest of my life to fighting for Lyme patients. In some form or another I will. I am far from the first person to go through this and I certainly won't be the last. I guess part of you just wants to believe that it is only really bad for a few people. I am afraid that in the case of Lymies it is this bad and worse for the vast majority.
I know I need to give you an update on my IV treatments and symptoms and all but right now I am just fried. Part of that has to do with the fact the I have a severe headache tonight. I will say the first week of at home treatments is done with. Ryan is an awesome nurse and I am so thankful for him. This is going to be a long 6 motnhs to say the least. Time for some warm milk, Advil, melatonin, and my Saturday night COPS to put me to sleep. I am home alone while Ryan and the girls are on a date to the Monster Trucks with some friends. I did not want to ruin Ryan's night by calling and telling him, so even though I am writing this post tonight, it will have to wait until the morning when I can tell him.
I know in my heart that this turn of events allows another opportunity for God to act in big ways. I need to get back on track with my time with God and really just learn to rest in His promises. I am in the middle of a journey where I am learning how to "lose control, without losing my mind". Basically like I was reminded a couple of weeks ago, God is going to rip the control freak out of me one way or another. Needless to say the next few days maybe filled with all sorts of venting and rambling as I try to process what has happened and where we go from here or they may be empty as I am just worn out from all of this. Sooner or later you will be back up to speed. Thank you again for checking in and all of your support! It is appreciated much more than you know.