Sunday, January 23, 2011

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

After a kind of rough 2010, I have turned over a new leaf in 2011. From here on out, I am going to tell you all the truth. I have chosen to move my family in with my parents, cause my family significant emotional and financial stress, put my work in a tough spot by taking a leave of absence, take multiple pills everyday including high dose antibiotics that make me sick to my stomach, go through minor surgery that will leave me with physical scars, and undergo weekly IV treatments and multiple other needle sticks even though I have a phobia of needles, all for my personal enjoyment. I am not sick and I don't have Lyme Disease or anything else significantly wrong with me. At least that is the truth according my disability company that just denied my appeal. If they are telling the truth than that makes me a liar. Not only must I be lying, but the three doctors and one other holistic health practitioner I saw are all liars too.
So if you can't tell by now, I am angry, frustrated, hurt and dumbfounded beyond belief. Just a few hours ago I received the denial letter regarding my appeal for short term disability. Just like I said, the rep didn't call, she just dropped the letter in the mail. She could have told me last week she was preparing the denial letter. But in their typical fashion, they pretend they are still working on it and will let you know very soon. It only took them 88 days to tell me once again that me and my doctors are full of...for lack of a better term...full of chocolate pudding.
I only have two questions for my rep on Monday. Can I please have the name and phone number of the best person for my lawyer to call? When can I set up an appointment with one of your doctors? Since my three doctors are all wrong and they have all seen me, I would love for your doctor to do an exam and run some tests and tell me what the heck is wrong with me then. I will love to hear her answer. I was certainly holding out a little bit of hope that the answer would be different but I kind of knew if the back of my mind it was going to be a no. I am glad that in their letter they reference a job description for a Fire Inspector from some official manual or book that was updated in 1991. Glad they are using current information.
It will be pointless to rehash everything I have said more than once already about what a crime this whole thing is. I could devote the rest of my life to fighting for Lyme patients. In some form or another I will. I am far from the first person to go through this and I certainly won't be the last. I guess part of you just wants to believe that it is only really bad for a few people. I am afraid that in the case of Lymies it is this bad and worse for the vast majority.
I know I need to give you an update on my IV treatments and symptoms and all but right now I am just fried. Part of that has to do with the fact the I have a severe headache tonight. I will say the first week of at home treatments is done with. Ryan is an awesome nurse and I am so thankful for him. This is going to be a long 6 motnhs to say the least. Time for some warm milk, Advil, melatonin, and my Saturday night COPS to put me to sleep. I am home alone while Ryan and the girls are on a date to the Monster Trucks with some friends. I did not want to ruin Ryan's night by calling and telling him, so even though I am writing this post tonight, it will have to wait until the morning when I can tell him.
I know in my heart that this turn of events allows another opportunity for God to act in big ways. I need to get back on track with my time with God and really just learn to rest in His promises. I am in the middle of a journey where I am learning how to "lose control, without losing my mind". Basically like I was reminded a couple of weeks ago, God is going to rip the control freak out of me one way or another. Needless to say the next few days maybe filled with all sorts of venting and rambling as I try to process what has happened and where we go from here or they may be empty as I am just worn out from all of this. Sooner or later you will be back up to speed. Thank you again for checking in and all of your support! It is appreciated much more than you know.


  1. We are sorry to here this girl! I wish I could offer some great words of wisdom that would help. God has a great plan for you. Whether to be an awesome advocate for Lyme’s, or a strong role model for others struggling just like you. I have been through the grieving process, the denial from disability and medical coverage, the want to stop and no longer continue. Sadly I succumbed to the depression and almost took my life. You are stronger than that love and you have to believe that. You will get through this! You have such a wonderful support system and group of people whop love you. I want to be honest with you. I have been trying to come up with words to say to you for some time. I have been struggling to find the best way to offer support and encouragement but I hit a road block. One being that I never got them while I was struggling through all of it myself, the frustration that my current diagnosis doesn’t have a cure, and now after research the possibility of having Lyme’s myself seems possible. So as I watch you go through this I grieve along with you and I struggle to find the words that would bring you comfort during this very difficult time. I pray that you find your strength, full recovery, and the passion to bring knowledge and encouragement to help others through it. Stay strong.

  2. Hi Dear Jess... Gosh, I am so bummed to read your post. But, Dear, unfortunately all of us with Lyme are having the SAME problem... No coverage, and really awful battles to fight. My insurance doesn't cover ANYTHING at ALL! No tests, no pills, nada! They are horrific! I was fighting daily, weekly with them... It has been a nightmare of unequaled proprtions. That is why I have decided to go to Germany to Dr Jacob and have her treat me. She is cutting edge and before I pay more into the system here, I am going to take my chances in Germany... I really believe she will help... I posted an article I wrote about Dr Jacob on my page, and if you like, you can check it out...
    I am praying for you Jess...
    Hang in there...
    A big huge hug,

  3. Hang in there girl! I totally understand!!! We also disused moving in with my parents.

  4. Oh Jessica...that is crappy news!! The entire "system" sucks!! It is supposed to be there to help people instead it drags them through emotional roller coasters with no assistance for all of the effort you have made providing them with everything they have sucks real bad!!

    You are a very strong woman with a strong family and awesome network of friends who support you, please do not forget that...

    Stay strong and continue to fight this awful disease and you will overcome it...

    I am here for anything you need..I pray for you each and every day and will continue to do so.

    All of my love and thoughts!!