Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Where to Begin

It's been a while since I have blogged about what's been going on with my life and Lyme and all. I am not even sure where to begin. The last few weeks have been crazy and full of ups and downs. We were able to have a little get away the morning after our last class at church. We went to Knott's Berry Farm and Soak City for my 4 yr olds birthday. It was fun but exhausting. I had to go take a nap at the hotel in the middle of the day but glad I was able to do that. We came back and it has been the move from hell ever since. If I hadn't mentioned before, we are moving in with my parents. It is all due to my Lyme. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially we are going to need to help. It is hard for a lot of reasons. The biggest one being that we had finally gotten to a good spot with our relationship with my parents and having all of us under one roof is going to be difficult no matter what. With that being said, I am so blessed and thankful that my parents are able and willing to help us out.
So with me being disorganized on regular basis this move have been the worst one I have dealt with. We just ended up being crunched for time and it seemed to never end. I also have no idea how we can have so much stuff. I mean we have a ton of stuff after we sold a ton of things at our garage sale, and on craigs list and donated the rest. I am slightly mad at myself that I could let us accumulate so much stuff but I'm learning to just get rid of stuff and not buy more. The whole move just required so much physically and mentally from me that it was very hard to hang in there. My husband worked so hard to pick up my slack. I mean there were days where I couldn't do almost anything. I was just drained.
Now for my Lyme status. I don't have a clue if I mentioned all the new meds I'm supposed to be on but I have 3. One of the meds is a trade out for one I was already on and the other 2 are new. So when I add the last one in a few days I will be on a total of 4. The 3 I'm on right now are starting to take their toll on me. My intestines are just being destroyed and I know this is the just the beginning. Shortly before we went to Knott's I think, I went to the dr for a follow up and we did some more blood work. So about 2 weeks ago I went to get the results. Well the inflammation levels were definitely up. It made sense because I had a sore throat and my symptoms were fairly bad. The worst thing was my CD-57 count was down to 36. Just to recap, that number has to do with how well my immune system is doing. A normal healthy person comes in somewhere around 200. Lymies are doing good if they are over 60. My first test was 66. Now that my number dropped so low I'm a little concerned. I guess it's all just part of the battle.
I guess to end my update I just have to say not being able to handle a full day of housework or putting stuff away from the move really takes a toll mentally and emotionally. I am so frustrated with how much needs to be done and the fact that just driving a block to get my kids seems like a monumental task just kills me. I feel useless and it is a very bad feeling to have. Oh ya, and one last thing disability has not made up their mind. I am so thankful we had a successful garage sale and got our security deposit back because that makes up for the paycheck I won't be getting on Thursday. It was hard though to sell our couch, bed, dining room table, and my surfboard. I knew it was necessary. The only unnecessary thing was the added test to what we learned in our finance class about stuff. Our 42" flat panel plasma broke during out move. I thought we were so careful. I had a good cry over that but I have worked it out. That's it for now. I need to give some details about the Lyme and treatment and all but I'll do that later. Thanks for stopping in to read.

1 comment:

  1. Jessica, I think and pray for you and your family all of the time. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but I do know it is tough for you because you are an EXTREMELY strong woman and now you say you feel useless. You are in no way useless you are even stronger and driven than ever! For some reason God has chosen you to share with the people the terrible affects of this awful disease. He has chosen the right person!! I have so much respect for you and your strength as you go through this life experience. I am here if you need anything. Again, you are an awesome woman, mother, wife and friend...please continue to share your thoughts...again, if you need anything....

    Lots of love,