Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Trying to Find My Purpose

As I have continued on this roller coaster in my life over the last few days I have really begun to think about what my purpose is. I have always known in the back of my mind that there is a purpose in what I am going through right now. I think you always know that but it is usually over shadowed by the difficulty or joy of what you are going through. That has certainly been the case with this. My anger, frustration, sadness, and physical symptoms have largely over shadowed my knowledge that God must have a reason I am facing this. What that purpose is I don't quite know yet.
I realize I have been able to be a source of information to others who have been newly diagnosed. I also think that I have been able to be a source of encouragement to others having a difficult time. (At least I hope) What has happened over the last few days though, has really caused me to step back and take a look at my situation and how I am choosing to handle it.
I feel that it is important for me to document this journey and be honest as I go. There are going to be times that things are extremely tough and flat out suck. I also have begun to realize that if I take the time to jump into God's word and really search out what the Bible has to say that not only will I benefit but I may be able to help others. A lot of this has come about after following the journey a precious little girl who is 6 or 7 years old and fighting cancer for the second time in her life. Her dad is a pastor and I as I have heard some of what he has had to say while he is watching his little girl suffer I have just had such a revelation about God and His ways. In my brokenness, He can be glorified. His power and strength can be made known in my weakness. So while I'm moving along day by day, I am hoping to uplift and inspire, I am hoping that other people that I cross paths with can be blessed by what God is doing in my life through this situation. I want to be able to say with conviction that I am closer to God and can with all that I am praise Him despite my circumstances.
This journey is proving to be the most difficult and trying thing I have ever gone through in my life. I am beginning though to look toward the fact something great will come from this. I am beginning to really feel blessed that God has chosen to use me to accomplish whatever His plans. Thanks for stopping by and sharing in this journey. I look forward to what the future holds and would love to hear from you.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Jess... You are such a sweet person... I can so echo your path and frustrations right now... This Lyme thing is the hardest thing I have ever faced as well... I have learned a new compassion for those suffering. Yet, as we suffer often in quiet pain, where do the tears go??
    Today I was out doing just the simplest of errands and my heart was racing like a wild horse running for shelter... It is so scary, and sometimes I wonder if I'm just going to keel over...
    My dear kindred spirit, it is GOD that decides for us... We can make virtue of necessity... that which will happen, will.... that which we can "control", we can only do our best. Know you are NOT alone... And, you are a LIGHT to so many others, myself included... Blessings... Stephanie