Monday, November 8, 2010

From the lightweights to the welterweights

Nothing really new to report on the disease front. I have had a nasty little bug for a week now and will be glad when it is over. I am thankful I had a little break from some of Lyme symptoms when the cold was at it worst. The joint and bone pain has kicked in again and is in some new places. I guess that means I am stirring up more bugs and they are dying. That is a great thing. I also had a twitching episode kick in while I was driving. Not cool. I still felt okay to drive but I was really nervous when I was sitting behind a CHP officer at a red light. I was afraid he would look in his mirror and then pull me over thinking I was high on something. I have had a queasy stomach and been lightheaded and dizzy the last couple of days. I don't know for sure if what that's all about. The whole dizzy/lightheaded thing is one of the worst for me. It is a horrible feeling and it doesn't seem to be just in my head, but my whole body. I can be laying down and it still feels like I could pass out. I can't stand it.

So I realized that I have been on my current antibiotics longer than I thought. That means the beginning of December could be the start of the IV meds. Of course I had to research the whole chest port thing on line. Not looking forward to it. Plus, I hate needles. Although I agrees that this seems better than the PICC line in my arm I don't like the idea of having to use needles to deliver the meds.

I am still completely stressed out about the whole money/disability thing. Let me say, if I didn't before, that the incredible bunch of guys that I work with came through in a big way and helped out my family and I just found out they are not done. I couldn't be more thankful or blessed to have them and their families in my life. I know that what they did for me was not possible without the blessing of their loved ones at home as well. I still haven't heard about disability. I guess it's only been about 2 weeks so I have another two or three weeks to go I am sure. My new claim rep seems good. We had a chance to talk and she understands the urgency. I admit though, I get completely panic stricken when I think about the fact that they could deny me. I don't have another chance to appeal. I guess the only thing I could do would be get a lawyer. I don't have the finances or the energy to deal with going to court. I guess I am being negative though and I am not trusting God. It would seem that God has blessed us and got us through this far so it should be that much easier to trust things are going to be fine. I am just being honest when I say it is hard. It's like He has done this much, so how much more can or will He do? I should be thinking, He has handled this and now has the opportunity to handle so much more. Let's see how this is going to go. I guess just being able to get these thoughts out in the open makes me realize where I am going wrong and how I do need to look forward in anticipation with what God is going to do.

I can't help but feel like we have to look at the finances when it comes to timing and all of my treatment. I have been spoiled with good insurance for my whole life. As I have said before, we recently changed insurance at work. Unfortunately the change wasn't so good. They were a lot of things that were different. I haven't really had to deal with deductibles and out of pockets maxs before. I guess with everything going on, I haven't kept up on what my new insurance really meant. So my 7 year old is sent to the cardiologist for an irregular heart beat. She has also recently started having some episodes of dizziness. (God please don't let it be Lyme) Her pediatrician refers us and we go to Children's Hospital. I am thinking all is good. We pay co-pays and what not. Then this weekend I get a bill for over $600. I have a $500 deductible and then they only pay 80% of rest. Of course I burst into tears upon opening the bill. I am still a little upset this morning over the whole thing. I need to call and set up a payment plan with them to get this bill paid. One of the bummers about this insurance issue is that we have open enrollment on a fiscal year. The deductibles and out of pocket max's on a calendar year. So come January, the $500 starts all over. In the next few days I really have to look at all of the in's and out's of my policy and figure out where I am at. I just need to know if there is serious financial gain to waiting until after the first of the year to have my port put in. I think either way, we are going to pay a lot out of pocket but it could be the difference of $500 or more and that is a lot.

I guess the biggest thing I can do about it all is pray. God has used some great people in our life to help us up until know so why should I think He would stop. A few months ago it seemed hopeless and now I can see how things worked out. It will be amazing to look back at this time when all is said and done and see the impossible have become the possible. It's out of my hands.

Here is to eating healthy, getting plenty of rest, not worrying and not giving up! FIGHT! I feel like I am moving up from the lightweights to the welterweights. Lord help me if I have to move all the way up to the heavy weights! :)

1 comment:

  1. Hang in thre Jessica!! I did hear back from SMSFFA from the email I sent them. So I am trying to get the ball rolling with them for some fundraisers!!

    Lots of love and hugs!!

    Dawn =)