A New Year, A New Plan

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and are on your way to having a Happy New Year.  How do you feel about New Year's resolutions? I personally like them or at least the idea. I enjoy reflecting on the past year and thinking about what I want to accomplish in the year to come. Like many people though, my resolutions have never made it very far. I've always allowed something to derail my good intentions and end up with a sense of failure and frustration as the year comes to a close. 

This year is going to be different though. This year I have a new plan. One thing God has been teaching me over the past few years in my battle for my health is that I am not in control. On more than one occasion, God has allowed me to get to a point where I have nothing left I can do but rely on Him. You would think that after just a time or two I would have gotten the message loud and clear. Instead this is a lesson I continue to learn and actually may be learning the rest of my life. See it's been somewhat easy to call out and surrender when I feel like I am literally on deaths door step. But what about when I am battling with procrastination, or not eating the cake, or taking my medication? I realized that I was learning to rely on God for the big things but the little things I took upon myself and when I didn't succeed, I either had a million excuses or a thousand negative things to say about myself and my failure. Here is an example.

I have continued to search for things I could do to help me get well. What haven't I tried? Are there any new treatments out there? Every time I have brought something up my husband has gently reminded me that I haven't done the most basic of things my doctors have instructed me. Things like drink plenty of water, use the sauna daily, take my pills, and most importantly....CHANGE MY DIET! I know many of you probably are probably thinking it is crazy and just plain stupid that I did not do something so seemingly simple that may have made me feel better. Believe me, it is not for lack of trying. I have tried, repeatedly, numerous times a year since my diagnosis and have had no success. The problem is each attempt has been fueled strictly by my own will power. I was not taking the time to give the issue to God, to ask for His power to help me be successful in my attempt. Will power was not my only issue. I struggled with negative self talk and thoughts and knew I needed to changed the way I thought. I was learning more about the mind, body, spirit connection but wanted to make sure that what I was reading wasn't crossing any lines of what the Bible said.

Just about a month ago I heard a little blurb about this thing called The Daniel Plan. I figured I should at least check it out. To my surprise it seemed to be everything I was looking for and needed. A Bible based plan, that focused on the health of the whole body. It basically said my  eating habits, exercise, thoughts, relationships and focus on God were all connected to each other. They all affected each other and success in living a healthier life and becoming the healthiest person I could be was not only my desire but God's desire for me but I had to give up control. 

So here I am with a new year and a new plan. To add to my excitement about the year ahead is the fact that there are some a few promising treatments for Lyme and related conditions that I haven't tried. (It is now really considered MCIDS or multi chronic infectious disease syndrome). Going to Tijuana to have a procedure that heats my blood up to 108 F is one of them, but more on that later. In any case, I am really trying to focus on being positive about putting my illness into remission this year. Even though the research shows I will have this disease forever and I have tried to come to terms with that I have recently realized that is not true. Some day I will have a new residence in heaven and I will no longer be sick. So I am choosing to view my illness and any trial I face for that matter in a new light, and really in the truth that it is temporary. 

The Daniel Plan itself is a 40 day program which will hopefully help build life long habits. I am hoping to do my best to blog about my journey. I definitely encourage you to check out The Daniel Plan if becoming a healthier you is on your list of to do's. If you are doing the plan and would like to join our support group on Facebook for extra encouragement let me know. Here's to a healthy and happy 2014. 

A Race I Didn't Enter

One of my proudest accomplishments was completing the 2008 San Diego Breast Cancer 3-Day. I chose to enter that event, I did the fundraising, I trained, and I walked every step of that almost 60 miles. I was so proud of myself for sticking with it. It was truly an amazing feeling to walk across that finish line knowing that I pushed past my aching tired muscles, blistered feet and being away from husband and kids and I did it. . 

Now whether what followed was strictly brought on by the physical stress of that event or whether it was a combination of things or strictly coincidence I'll probably never know. Shortly after completing the 3-Day I woke up with some unexplainable muscle pain. Over the next few days the pain became debilitating and severe and as it faded I was left with extreme weakness in my arms. It was so bad in fact, I couldn't drive or even write.  Off to the doctor I went and that pivotal event is what led me on my journey to a final diagnosis of Lyme Disease and related issues a year and half later. 

As I was mulling things over the other day, I thought how God is like my personal trainer and that the last 5 years were like a race. I would say a 5k. The problem is, it is a race I didn't enter. My "trainer" entered me in the race believing/knowing that I would make it. That I would cross the finish line. I couldn't have disagreed more but have I have pushed through, with my trainer by my side. Day by day, moment by moment, I have pushed through and made it this far. The issue I'm struggling with now is the fact that my trainer has once again entered me in a race I didn't ask to run. I feel like I'm starting the most grueling marathon, no lets say triathlon in the world. The run is all up hill. The road race is all up hill on a pothole covered road. The swim is in the midst of rough waters with almost hurricane force winds. I may have the best trainer in the world, but my initial reaction is He's nuts and He has set me up for failure. I already feel like I've lost the race and I have only run the first hundred yards. In my rare moments of clarity I acknowledge that those feelings are false and that He knows what He's doing and I am doing my best to trust Him every moment of every day. My faith is being tested and the reality is I am scared. I am scared, and angry, and frustrated, and defeated and for me the peace that passes all understanding has not set in yet. The only thing I can do is hold on to the hope that His peace is coming and when all is said and done I will be victorious and win the race of my life.

Just over 3 years after my life changing diagnosis I sit here not feeling much better that when I started. I don't know that overall I am any better. A few things have gotten less problematic as other things have gotten worse. My burning nerve pain rarely makes an appearance while my brain function continues to get worse. I had a few days of fumbling over my words and not making sense a few weeks ago it made my wonder if that is what happens when someone has a stroke. My heart continues to cause me problems to which I still have no clear answer and the fatigue continues to plague me daily. Some days the only thing I manage to do is get the kids to and from school.  My immune system is back in the trash. I'm back on multiple antibiotics and have been wondering where to go  and what to do next. What else can I try that I haven't? Not much with out winning the lotto. We have held our head above water with the generous help of friends and family (for which we are forever grateful) but the bank accounts are drained. Insurance still doesn't want to play nice in the sandbox of the Lyme world and without winning the lotto the options become very limited.

After talking with my doctor, we have agreed it would be worth it for me to try something called ozone. It is not a new procedure but more and more evidence is coming out stating the ozone is beneficial to people with Lyme. I will go in once a week and have a pint of blood removed. As it is removed it will be passed under UVC light which should kill different bacteria and such from my blood. It will then be infused with ozone which is basically adding an extra molecule to my blood. Then it will pass back under the UVC light as it re-enters my body. The procedure only lasts about 20 minutes and I will start with about 10 sessions. I am told it will very possibly be a rough 3 to 4 months once I start but I should see improvements after that and then maybe only do it occasionally. This costs roughly $150 a treatment. It's not exactly cheap but it is better than the cost of a very promising treatment the doctor talked to me about. Although this other treatment could be shared with my daughters the minimum it would cost us for the year it takes to do is $17,000. Something that's just not lying around at a moment.

This brings me to the toughest thing I/we have been dealing with over the last few months. I know I have mentioned that both of my girls most likely have Lyme. In fact during our visit to the Hansa Center last year, they confirmed that my now 10 year old in fact had active Lyme. (see previous posts) We did some natural herbal and homeopathic treatments for both of our girls and have been in a constant quandary of what to do next? We need to do the blood work which is not cheap and we need to decided what doctor we are going to take them to. I recently talked with the doctor I wanted them to see and he has stopped taking insurance so our options are slowly being narrowed and really we will be left with one. My girls have doing ok but very recently things have changed and kind of quickly which is where this being thrown into a triathlon has come from. My youngest daughter who just turned 7 had been struggling in school last year. Without going into all of the details the bottom line is she was diagnosed at the beginning of summer with executive functioning issues and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). I will have to write another post to give you all the details of those two issues but they are fairly significant. A lot of autistic children suffer from SPD but my daughter does not fall on the autism spectrum. With the number of autistic children testing positive for Lyme I felt that it was probably the same case with SPD. Sure enough between my doctor and the research I have doing it is very evident the Lyme can absolutely trigger SPD. And very similar to Lyme, SPD is not well accepted in the medical community. I was kind of told by my pediatrician, whom I really like, that in general the medical community doesn't care if your kid struggles with reading, writing, reversing numbers, etc...Insurance certainly doesn't want any part of of it. So we are left trying to pay a minimum of $325 a week for the therapy and help she needs or doing the dance of wording things so that insurance will at least approve an evaluation by an occupational therapist.  If we can at least get an eval, then we pray we get a good OT that can determine there are things my baby needs help with that the insurance won't throw a fit about. We are currently waiting for the approval for the evaluation. In the meantime my little one is starting to have a really difficult time and my husband and I are so unprepared with how to deal with this. Daily meltdowns make you feel like you are dealing with a spoiled 3 year old but the reality is she just doesn't know how to deal with how she feels from everything in her outside world. It is heartbreaking and frustrating on a daily basis. Part of me can't help but feel the extra difficulties of the past week are somewhat due to a strong antibiotic she was put on for an ear and sinus infection and that it is killing off some Lyme bacteria causing a flare in her symptoms.

The bottom line is all of this at the moment has left me feeling very guilty. Every once in a while I can tell myself that this is not my fault. This is still so new and overwhelming though that I can't help but fall apart in desperate moments blaming myself for giving my girls Lyme and being the cause of their struggles and pain. I didn't know a heart could break so much and still manage to beat. I pray constantly that God just takes this away from them. As a mom, I want to take it all away. I hate to see my kids suffer more than anything. Prayer is about all I have right now as we try and navigate these rough waters. I'm sure I will be able to look back on this in the end and realize my trainer had it under control. For the moment, I need to relinquish my need to try to fix it myself and remind myself that God is ever faithful. He sees our struggle is by our side every step of the way. Breath by breath I have to continue on to the finish line of what seems to be an impossible race, regardless of the fact this is a race I didn't enter.

A Big Year Full of Nothing

Happy New Year to those of you I haven't had a chance to wish it to yet. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and have had a great start to 2013. Things were a little different for my family over the holidays this year with my mom out of town taking care of my grandma, and my husband working Christmas Day and also getting called back in to work Christmas Eve on an emergency call that lasted all night. (He works for a local water authority) Despite that we still had a great time and had so much to be thankful for. We still do.

Thanksgiving really got me started on a journey of reviewing my life...where my family has been, where we are going, and all that we have been blessed with. I have really been focusing on getting rid of stuff and have gravitated toward the idea of becoming a "minimalist". As I took some time to read up on minimalism and simplistic living it really appealed to me. I made up mind that my big resolution or goal for the new year was to minimize. My family has been easily overcome with stuff. It clutters up our physical space, takes a lot of time and attention to maintain and deal with, and actually clutters up our minds as well. As I have moved from thinking about this new way of living to actually implementing it I can say I see a difference already. I won't pretend the transition will be easy, especially for the kids but I know how much better it will be for my family once we are there. The basic idea behind this concept, at least for my family, is that we reduce the amount of stuff and things so that we have the room, time, and energy for the things that matter most. God-family-others. 

We have been focused more on putting others first. We have all committed to 26 acts random acts of kindness (after the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting), the girls have been involved in various kindness and service projects at school, and I am working on really finding ways I can give back. This has led to a general positive outlook on life. Once again, the response I get from strangers when out in public is amazing. People are friendlier, smiles are exchanged more often and the general feeling is just happier. I was reminded that this was how I felt after first coming back from Kansas just a year ago. Choosing to be positive and focus on the positive really does make a difference. Not always easy but it really is important and does make a difference.

The whole minimalist thing is also bleeding over to other areas of my life and it just makes so much sense. I am going with a much more simplistic and natural approach to my medical treatment and trying to do the same for my kids. Our visits to the NUCCA chiropractor have gotten more interesting and are really a front line approach to dealing with whatever ailments we are facing. Getting the body in alignment and functioning the best it can on its own is critical. This has led us to food sensitivity test. As an energetic type of testing this is much different than what western medicine would tell us we need to be doing but it just resonates with me. While we had already started changing our diet, we fell of the wagon during the holidays and while we have trying to get back on track, the testing has certainly forced the issue. The girls are the only one who have been tested so far and I go in tomorrow.  The test checks for sensitivities to about 500 foods, baking items, food additives, and supplements. The girls both came back with issues regarding gluten, wheat, corn. One has issues with other grains as well. Yogurt is an issue for one. Chocolate, dairy, and eggs are an issue for the other. We are to avoid these foods completely until the girls have been "cleared" of their sensitivity. This is very similar to what Hansa did as far as being able to get rid of allergies. You don't need to suffer from food  or other allergies for ever.  Many of them can be alleviated by having the body reset. Ok, enough said. I really feel for people who have or have family members that have this type of issues. You really have to read everything. (I jokingly told the doctor he could not check me for chocolate, coffee, or shellfish) Hopefully the things we have to completely avoid will only be temporary. He did say gluten is one that we may not be able to get rid of but we are trying to avoid it anyways so we could survive.  We are having to focus on very simple, whole, natural foods which just fits in with everything else. I am carrying this theme over to my workout life and just keeping it simple. Moving as often as possible is the goal. For the first time I am really giving my spiritual life a simple makeover too. Read the Bible and prayer more. That's it. I have been easily caught up in what Christian book, advice, study I should be doing focusing on and finally acknowledged that everything I may be searching for is right there in the good book itself. I set a personal goal of reading the whole Bible in a year. I have thoroughly enjoyed what I have read so far. Even the complicated lists of Kings names, and genealogy, I am spending time in the word and it has been a real blessing.

We are definitely being faced with some challenges right now but this change in our lifestyle has really helped keep me from getting overwhelmed. I find that I can handle stress better. Although it is a challenge some days to keep the positive outlook and to not try and find happiness in the stuff and the things, it is a challenge I definitely welcome. I am expecting this to be an amazing year that is filled with so much yet filled with "nothing" at the same time.

Do you NUCCA?

The past few weeks have been another roller coaster of ups and downs. They have been physically and emotionally exhausting, filled with fatigue and some down right scary moments one of which almost sent me to the hospital. In the end though, they have been filled with hope and I feel like things may be finally turning around. 

I can honestly say that the decision to change my diet ( really our diet as a family) and begin exercising again have been very important decisions on this path to getting better. Although I really wish I would have made those changes long ago there is no reason to dwell on the past. I didn't believe I could really alter my craving for junk but it has happened. I do green smoothies, juice and eat a lot of cooked vegetable almost daily. Most of which are organic. For me juicing and cooking my vegetables makes them much easier for my body to get nutrients out of. It has been so taxed that digesting raw food can take too much work. I have gone almost gluten free and have reduced grains as a whole by close to 75%. I try and eat sprouted grains instead. I have reduced dairy by 50 to 75% and most of what I do consume is RAW milk dairy. I definitely don't feel good when I eat the junk or the gluten. Sweet things usually taste to sweet now and I actually crave vegetables. Who knew. 

I can see some improvements in my body from just the 5 or 6 weeks I worked out with my trainer. It is a somewhat difficult transition trying to workout with out him but I'm doing it. The things he taught me about functional exercises just make so much sense and seem to resonate well with my body so I look forward to seeing how strong I get over the next few months. I will never view exercise the same again. These changes with diet and exercise are definitely changes that I will stick with for the rest of my life. 

I have had some blood work run recently to try and figure out some of the missing pieces to the puzzle. As has happened so often before the test results come back normal. I know it may sound weird but it is really frustrating at first. You get tired of hearing that "they" don't see anything wrong when you know full well something is not right. This time it was regarding my adrenal glands and hormones. What I had forgotten though is the tests that were done were really basic and not the most reliable tests. In fact I am starting to rely less and less on what the blood work says. Just because the blood work comes back normal does not mean things are functioning as they should be. 

I feel like I've been at a crossroads with treatment for quite some time. I was hoping that the blood tests were going to point us in a certain direction but that didn't happened.  I weighed my options and decided that I would try a local chiropractor that I had heard some great things about. I had been to chiropractors before, in fact the doctors from Hansa are both D.C.'s.  This doctor though uses NUCCA and that was something I had not tried. It was perfect timing too because anther Lyme patient was inquiring about NUCCA and I heard a couple stories of people benefiting from it.   Besides being local, the office also had a payment plan that worked for us. Really I barely have the funds to continue with my accupuncture so I needed something I could afford. What has happened over the past two weeks of seeing Dr. S has been huge and given me such hope that I am on the right track. 

NUCCA stands for the National Upper Cervical Chiropractic Assocation. Without going into to much detail because I would probably screw it up, NUCCA involves adjusting the very upper cervical spine area with minor pressure. It is not the typical snap, crack, pop visit and it focuses on an area that no one has ever dealt with. My first visit was a sit down with the doc to go over my history, my complaints, concerns, and few minor tests and x-rays. After that the doctor let me know that he thought he could help me. As much as he wanted to start working on me right away he knew it was important to review everything first. I scheduled a followup for the next day. The second appointment the doctor said confirmed that he really felt he could me. He said in addition to the NUCCA he would be doing bio-cranial work as well. He laid out a treatment plan and we agreed I would see him twice a week for 6 weeks and then once a week for 6 weeks. After that we will figure out how often I may need to see him. He did say I am a very complex case but he likes a challenge. What a surprise. We jumped right in with the first adjustment which only took a matter of minutes. He finished with a couple more followup x-rays. As much as I don't like to have the x-rays they ensure that he is right on with his adjustment. During these first two visits the doctor explained a little bit about how NUCCA works. Basically when things in the upper cervical area get out of alignment it causes problems with the information going to my brain. Bad information going in, means bad information coming back out to my body. I'm very twisted and have a lot of misalignment. The doctor almost laughed and just said no wonder you are tired all of the time. You are so twisted that your body is fighting against it self, against the muscles to try and put you back into alignment. It really was making sense. At then end of my session I was put on the MRS mat. I won't go into that right now but you can look it up. Its magnetic therapy that helps with pain and all sorts of things by kind of acting like a whole body battery charger. A lot of people with Lyme use them and so I am excited to have the chance to use on regularly for a while. I have found that I am very sensitive them which is normal in my condition so I can't do to much time on the mat.

My next visit started off with some muscle testing and energy work. The first thing he says is that my adrenal glands are definitely weak and not functioning as they should. My blood work said my adrenal glands were find which I know in my heart was almost impossible due to how long I had been sick and everything I had dealt with. Next he picked up the fact that I had a virus in my intestine. He worked his energy medicine and put me on a herbal adrenal gland remedy. I'm almost in tears at this point and he was so excited he was almost jumping up and down. He said he could just see things unfolding for me and that we were really gonna get some where. Hope. Dr. Spinato gave me hope. Everything he said made so much sense. It also matched up with what Hansa told me in January. Adrenals and viruses were my two biggest issues. Two different doctors, in two different parts of the world, not knowing what each other said and using slightly different energetic testing methods came up with the same answers. So cool. We did the bio cranial therapy next which is like a big stretch in the neck and upper cervical spine to again help open up the communication to/from the brain. I jumped on the mat and was out the door. With in 45 minutes of my appointment I started getting sick to my stomach. I was "sick" to my stomach the rest of the day and the next. In addition I had a really bad episode of dizziness, heart, just feeling really bad and weird to where I considered the ER. I had been here before though and knew the ER wouldn't help. Anyways I figured I must be having a healing crisis. This is a little different in that herx I have talked about before. This is because my body is kicking in a fixing things instead of a die off of bacteria. I didn't enjoy it by any means but took it as a positive sign. The following appointment the doctor agreed with my thoughts that it was a healing crisis. He was glad I knew enough to just push on. So I have continued to have some healing crisis this week but am taking it as a positive sign.

Here a quick glimpse of what my treatment involves right now. I'm on 4 different antibiotics, a number of supplements (vit d, Co-Q 10, magnesium, adrenals, etc...), silver, acupuncture every other week, NUCCA, sauna daily if possible. I still have my chest port but don't use it right now. My plan is to do the antibiotics for about 3 more months and then be done with them for good. My goal is stick with natural herbal remedies and alternative therapies from then on out and for my family as well. I can't tell you how much I  believe in energy medicine. I will never view medicine the same again. I will be taking my girls to Dr. Spinato soon and look forward to how he can help them. I will be using alternative medicine and therapies for the rest of mine and my families life. I am happy to share anything I can with you about it and highly encourage you to look into these options. They may just change your life. I can't wait to keep you updated on my journey over the next few weeks as Dr. S works his magic. Feeling truly blessed and I like I am on the right path to getting well.

152

I don't know how I did it. I honestly don't know how I pulled off being a full time working mom for 7 years. As much as I enjoyed my work, loved my co-workers, and needed the money I wouldn't go back to being away from my family like that. Although I will admit the full time job I have now, the one of fighting this dis-ease makes my life seem crazier then it did before. 

I really feel like we are at a crossroads with treatment and I don't know where to go next. I know I keep saying this, but it is beyond frustrating to not have a standard checklist of where to start. In reality Lyme is only part of the picture. That is why the name change to MCIDS (multi chronic infectious disease syndrome) seems better. Even with that there is so much more going on. You can have immune system, hormone, genetic, detox, a million more issues. There isn't even a standard list of tests to run. I feel fortunate on some level to have a lot of options presented to me over the past few weeks. Trying to research all of them and make a decision is proving to be very difficult. Then reality once again slaps you in the face and it really comes down to money. Money that my family doesn't have. Add to this that we have two children that we desperately need to get help and it just all becomes too overwhelming. With each passing moment there is mounting pressure on what to do for our girls. Every complaint of pain or some weird symptom almost paralyzes me and I desperately want to get them well so they do not have to endure this. What are we supposed to do? At this point all I can do is pray that God leads us where to go. I have at least 6 health practitioners that I am considering seeing. There is definitely a lot of information to review. 

With all of that being said, I am proud of the fact that I am really making progress in the areas of diet and exercise. It has become clear to me that there are multiple things out of my control and that I will benefit by focusing on what I can control. Diet and exercise are the two main things I have been working on. The 30 days of clean eating my family tried was really difficult but it was definitely a catalyst for change. We have continued to pursue changing our diet and it is getting easier as time goes on. We have reduced the amount of grain, sugar and dairy we are eating over all. Most of the dairy we do eat is now RAW. We have increased the amount of fruits and vegetables we eat,  most of which are organic. The amount of packaged food we eat is definitely reduced. I can't say that I feel amazing but I am losing my cravings for the junk and it just doesn't sound appealing to me anymore. My acupuncturist really wanted me to focus on eating cooked vegetables for a week and I really started to lose my cravings when I did that. I am happy that we are making improvements and that my husband is on board as well. The kids are not thrilled about it but they are coming around to the idea a little at a time. My six year old is still suffering from low iron so we are really focusing on bringing those levels up. An important thing you may not know is that dairy can actually bind the iron while vitamin c helps it be absorbed. So making our green smoothies with spinach and no dairy (use almond milk) or eating eggs with orange juice are things we are doing to help her out. We also just got a new juicer. I have researched and agonized over the blender vs juicer dilemma. The bottom line is you need to do what works for your family. We have a Ninja blender for our smoothies and are now using a Jack La Lanne Power Juicer for our juice. This just seemed to fit our budget and needs the best. Do what works. We are still getting amazing benefits and are eating healthier that we ever have. 

Now comes the exercise. I know I said a few weeks ago that I was going to put it all out there so I was accountable to people other than my husband for my health. Although I probably won't post pictures until later I will say my starting weight is 152 lbs. This is one of those things that is very personal. I think especially for women. I know I shouldn't have a magic number but I kind of do. I am treating it more like a goal number but when I am comfortable with how I feel and look then that is what will matter regardless of what the scale says. So my goal would be to get down to 135 lbs. However since muscle weighs more than fat, I may not reach that goal. I just want to feel strong and be confident in how I look. So my journey to being in better shape has started. I ended up finding an amazing trainer and I have had the best workouts of my life with him. It has only been a few sessions but I am a total believer in his approach and can't wait to see my transformation over the next few months. The story of how I found him is really cool but I will have to save that for another day. The one thing I have not been happy with is my heart, but I am not going to quit. My heart rate was 183 during my workout out the other day. It is very frustrating but the cardiologist says its fine. I can't say I agree but they assured me I don't have anything life threatening. If I fall over and die due to a heart issue you heard it from me, the cardiologist said not to worry. 

I am waiting for some test results for my adrenal glands and have some more information on my thyroid issue but that too will have to wait until next time. Thanks for following along and supporting me in this crazy journey. For all my San Diego friends, the San Diego Lyme Walk is Saturday October 13 at Seaport Village. Would love to see you there! Hugs to all my fellow warriors out there. Don't give up. Take it one moment at a time and fight hard. (I will update my current protocol too)

Random Story

I really feel led to start off this post by sharing a story. There is always a chance I have shared this before but it was placed on my heart to share today even though it doesn't seem to relate to anything else I have to say. I have learned to not ignore those feelings. Someone needs to hear this. Here it goes.

About 6 1/2 yrs ago I found out I was pregnant with my second daughter. My husband and I had already decided during my first pregnancy that we would never terminate a pregnancy even if test results said our baby had significant health problems. We had been blessed with one healthy daughter already and although my first pregnancy wasn't a walk in the park I didn't have any significant issues. I wasn't very far along in my second pregnancy when I began having some severe pain. It was very similar to pain I had before from an ovarian cyst but of course being pregnant I was a little concerned. I called my OB whom had delivered my first baby and whom I trusted completely.  She said I should go to the hospital for an ultrasound just to make sure everything was ok. We went down to the hospital and the results came back that I was pregnant but I was definitely not as far along as I should be. There was some concern of an ectopic pregnancy and I needed to come back in a week or so. The pain continued on and off and I went back for my followup. We were blessed with an amazing tech this time. Although he couldn't confirm anything, he told us that things had changed and appeared to moving in the right direction. I remember it was a Friday and he said he worked all weekend and if I needed to come back everyday for reassurance he would be happy to help us. Little did we know what a blessing this man truly was going to be for us. We were definitely relieved. The afternoon of the following Monday, my OB calls. She tells me she just received the ultrasound results and I did not have a viable pregnancy. She needed me to come to hospital to terminate the pregnancy. Of course my husband and I were devastated and we just couldn't understand why this was so different from what we had heard a few days earlier. We got settled in the hospital and while we were waiting for my doctor we explained to the nurse what we had been told and how this all didn't make sense. She was kind enough to pull my ultrasound results and told us the notes indicated exactly what we had said. She told my doctor as soon as she arrived about our concerns. When my doctor finally came back she apologized and said she had been sent the wrong results. Everything looked fine on the new ultrasound. We were free to leave. Today we have a healthy beautiful 6 yr old little girl. One persons mistake almost cost us my precious daughters life. Like I said at the beginning, I'm not really sure how this ties into everything else I'm sharing but someone out there needed to hear this. Please don't sit back and rely on someone else for health and well being. 

Well with that out of the way I did want to give you a little update on my new "job". The first few weeks are always a little crazy and this is no different. I am signing a contract with myself outlining everything this will entail. The basic premise is I can work as much or as little I want. My pay is based on how much I work. I am kind of on call 24/7 but my schedule is really up to me. I have a a fairly good idea of what my daily assignments will be and what special projects I might be tasked with. I definitely have lots of meetings to attend (i.e. doctors appts). In fact I have had a few of those meetings this week. I saw the acupuncturist yesterday and had an ultrasound of my thyroid to day. I will be seeing the endocrinologist on the 25th to go talk about all of the hormone issues, adrenal fatigue, and thyroid problems I may be facing. I am hoping to hear my ultrasound results before then because I am relatively sure I will be told I have a least one if not multiple tumors growing and they need to do biopsy. If that is the case, it will be the third time I am facing the possibility of thyroid cancer. I guess I will know if a couple of weeks for sure. 

My first real assignment is to nail down a treatment protocol and schedule. As I have said many times, with this disease there is no one treatment protocol that works for everybody. Each persons case is unique, each doctor out there has a little bit of a different approach, and you really need to listen to your body and your heart to determine what is right for you. Although I don't know 100% what my treatment will hold I can tell you some basics. I am really leaning to toward options that focus on restoring my bodies balance and ability to heal itself. Things like what Hansa offers, bowenwork therapy, acupuncture, zyto, and Synchronicity Wave System to name a few. Diet, exercise, enough rest, detox and a positive attitude are also a must. I am on antibiotics right now but  I am not sure for how long. I have a lot to sort our and get straight before I make any big decisions.  Organization in this job will be key. 

I have a lot more to share with you and in a few days I hope to have an updated current treatment protocol, some starting point statistics, maybe even pics, etc...I definitely need to share what I learned at acupuncture a few days ago and the challenge he gave me for the week. Although this post is kind of all over the place and not what I had planned for it to be, I knew I could not ignore that voice that said you need to share your story. I'm praying that what I said may be a blessing to someone. I look forward to getting back on track and sharing some more with you in a few days. God Bless.

New Job

I've got some very exciting news to share. You can probably guess from the title, I have a new job. It has great benefits and I start tomorrow. I'll be working at Mind, Body, Spirit and the biggest part of my job will be working on me. Okay, let me explain. I have decided to treat taking care of myself as a real job. If I do good at it the pay and benefits will be better than any job I have ever had. Let me share how this whole thing came about. 

For the past 2 and 1/2 yrs of my life, I have been trying to regain my health that really I had spent almost a lifetime slowly losing. I have tried traditional medicine, alternative medicine, and all sorts of things in between.  I have had ups and downs, twists and turns, that I never could have expected. I have tried to come to terms with the fact that I will always be fighting this. Even the thought of a lifetime fight against illness, makes me tired. Because of this whole ordeal I have begun to learn a lot about health, fitness, alternative medicine, etc...especially over the past year. The more I learn the more I am amazed by the human body and how it was designed. I truly believe that no doctor, medication, or procedure can cure me. All of those things can only aid in restoring my bodies balance and function allowing it to take care of itself. Our body truly is a miracle, and God designed it to heal itself. 

A couple of weeks ago I decided to join some friends on a mission to eat clean for 30 days. Eating clean is kind of a "buzz" phrase right now and means a little something different to everyone. In any case, having someone to be accountable to besides my husband has been a good thing for me. Although my family still has a long way to go, we have definitely made some steps in the right direction. Shortly after we began this mission I started back on antibiotics. I am currently on 2 out of the 3 that my doctor wants me to take and I have felt horrible.  I knew I needed to really focus on detoxing and have made an extra effort to use the sauna, drink water, eat good. I even did some electro lymphatic therapy and got to see my acupuncturist after a long break over the summer. While I was hoping these things would make me feel great they didn't. It has been a rough week. In fact my excitement and motivation over starting this new job this morning was interrupted by left sided chest pain and shortness of the breath that was all too familiar. I prayed that I would know if and when I needed to call 911 but deep down I had been here before and knew there was nothing they would find or be able to do for me. That however has not deterred from my goal and in fact has made me realize even more just how much I need it. 

I have been seeing lots of great pages on Facebook dedicated to health and fitness. Although many of them seek to motivate you, I have been allowing them to make me depressed. I see these amazingly fit women, talk about doing it all and I think back to when I was even a fraction of how in shape they are and I just get sad. My self confidence is in the trash, I weigh more than I ever have, I feel horrible.  How nice for them to go run and lift weights and spin their butts off. They work hard for their fitness but that isn't even an option for me. It didn't take long for me to realize that this entire time, I have been standing in my own way. When it was hard to look at my acupuncturist yesterday and answer his questions honestly about what I had been doing I realized I had a problem. Who was I?  I had become the queen of excuses. I certainly wasn't acting like the person I want to be. I began to think back to what I had accomplished in my life. Admitting that I had unknowingly been sick for so long yet I managed to: survive a full time college load while working, getting my EMT certification, working for the US Forest Service including passing their fire academy and going through fire school at Camp Pendleton, having two children while continue to work full time, doing so well in class that the CA State Fire Marshals office offered me a job, walking every step of the Breast Cancer 3 Day (about 60 miles)...I knew I had to not only take pride in my accomplishments but quit making excuses for why I couldn't achieve the health that I wanted.

As much as I considered trying to be one of those do it all women that had a Facebook page and website dedicated to health and fitness I decided that it was not the time. Believe me, going through this experience has made me consider a career in holistic type health or fitness of some sort but I know I just need to focus on the task of getting myself well. If that leads to something down the road that would be great. I have also come to realize that I do have gifts of compassion and encouragement and that I hope this "job" will allow me to use those to the best of my ability. I have decided to track this whole experience here in my blog. I found that being accountable to other people will help me stay on track and I am hoping someone, can benefit from what I share. My plan is to be honest, Including before and after pictures, my true weight, basically the good, the bad and the ugly. This isn't just about physical health though. I definitely am starting to see the mind body spirit connection. Negative thoughts can affect you physically and I plan on working on my total health. That is the only way to get better. 

So here it goes. A new phase, a new challenge. No more excuses!