Do A Little Dance

People that know me the best know that I like to dance. Well actually I love to dance. It is almost torture to be some where, especially with a dance floor, when a good song comes on. I can't sit still. I have a constant need to move to the beat of the music, in church, in the car, at home...Anyways I think you get the point. So the other day I made up a new dance. I decided to call it the Trader Joe Twitch. It is so easy to do I figured I would share it with you just in case you wanted to try it. All you have to do is grab a shopping cart, walk into your local Trader Joe's, and then begin having a seizure as you push your cart around the store.

That's right, after almost 3 months of no seizures I had one the other day when I was grocery shopping. I felt like one was coming on for about 3 days. I tried so hard to make it go away but with no such luck. I needed to get my shopping done so I just carefully maneuvered my cart through the store trying to not accidentally hit someone or give them my almost famous seizure thumbs up. I tried to keep my vocalizations quiet enough as to not draw attention and I fumbled my way through a conversation with the checker, stuttering as I went. I had a few choice words running through my head as I let my frustration get the best of me. What the heck is going on? Why do I feel so bad again? I don't understand.

For close to a month now I feel like I have been starting to regress a little bit. I assumed that the transient pain that was starting to reappear had to do with stopping my remedies to early by mistake. However when I went back to Kansas last month, the remedies I thought would be responsible my body didn't want anymore. To make it even more frustrating, it looked as if my Lyme was under much better control but my viruses were really a problem. Any progress I had the second go around is gone and the last week, especially the last few days have been hell. I am beyond tired, my brain is pretty much worthless, the seizure, and the PAIN! Muscle pain, nerve pain, joint pain, bone pain. The joint and the bone pain are at getting fairly high up on my pain scale and it has been this intense for three days now. That has never happened. Time to e-mail the doc and see what his thoughts are. I have been trying to detox more than normal and don't feel like I am getting any relief.

I am so bummed out right now. I guess I just thought things were really moving in the right direction (which they may be) and that I was reaching a stopping point so I feel like I am so moving backwards. I have been reminded recently though that my treatment is almost for sure going to be long, really long, term. I have been sick for over 26 yrs and I can't expect to get better in a year or even 2 years. I feel like I am at some sort of cross roads though on what I do for treatment. Frankly weather I go back to antibiotics or stay on the natural road with Hansa or someone else we are out of money. So unless I win the lottery the best treatment for me at this point is probably not going to be an option I have. I just feel lost at this point. I don't feel like I am even able to make the best treatment choice anymore. I need a third person to come in and hear what all the doctors have to say, and do some research and help me sort all of this out. It is just to much.

To make things more complicated, we of course I dealing with the fact the our 8 yr old has Lyme. I found out this week she has been suffering from the ringing in the ears and her intermittent dizzy spells are happening almost daily. She also broke out in the worst case of hives she has had in years. I don't know if this is a healing crisis, if the remedies have stirred up the Lyme and the bacteria is changing form, or what is going on. Her pediatrician doesn't even know about the diagnosis yet and frankly can't treat her as she knows nothing about it. I so wanted to go the natural route with my kids but am not sure if that is going to work. Both of my natural options are probably out of the question financially. Switching the kids to my doc would work for a little bit but again the natural therapies would cost more than we can afford. If I stop all treatment I will go backwards and could end up not able to care for my family at all. Yet at the same time, I won't let my daughter suffer. This is really something only God can handle. I have to remember to just give it up to him.



I'll let you know what the doctors say and how things go over the next week. Prayers and positive energy are always appreciated. Oh and I finally have a website for my new business. Please check it out and let me know if you could use my services.  www.surfchaserphoto.com

Return to Hansa: It's working

Sorry I took so long to write about my our last day at Hansa. The benefit is I can see things that we did are already working. Our last day was really good and sad at the same time. It has become almost a home away from home. The hardest part was leaving our friends. We have gained a life long friendship though and even though it was hard to leave I wouldn't trade it for the world. We love you Body family!

The day started our with me seeing the doctor. I was scheduled for an hour. He needed 15 minutes. That was it. I still have a lot of work left to do but we had made some progress and he got kind of as a far as he could go this time. So we moved right on to the kids. We did some work with the myasms which are those diseases, illnesses, and conditions in your family history that are passed down energetically. They don't always activate, and just because you have a myasm doesn't mean you will get that illness but you could. You just want to clear all of that out. The big one that stands out for me is cancer. I have it and so does Brooke but it has skipped Jenna so far. Hopefully getting these issues addressed in the kids means they won't pass them down anymore. Again doesn't mean that we would definitely get cancer but that energy is there and could activate at any time unless you get it taken care of.

We didn't really have any big revelations. Dr. J did say that Brooke's ear looked night and day better. She still had some pain at about 5 am in the morning so I was really nervous about our flight. He gave us a herbal remedy to take for the pain. Just to be safe I did give her some advil and found the ear plugs designed for flying that are open on the end to help regulate pressure. The kids did amazing on the flight and Brooke has had no complaints since.

Since we have been home things have been crazy as is usual around here. We have just been busy and I started not feeling good. I realized right away what my mistake was. When I was at Hansa I didn't really do any detox this time so I really should have come straight home and got in the sauna. Having the energetic treatments got things moving in my body and I wasn't doing anything to get the junk out. Then I started to have my usual sore throat that I get a day or two after flying. Weather it activates my Ebstein Barr or what I don't know but it happens I think every time I fly. This time I woke up with my eyes stuck shut and a bad headache. I kind of started to panic. Please not pink eye and no antibiotics. Well 24 hours later I am feeling much improved. I jumped all over detoxing and it seems to have worked. I did the sauna once Saturday, twice yesterday, plus took detox bath, and started taking my EmergenC. I also went to the health food store to try and find a remedy for my eyes. The lady suggested Rue Fennel drops mixed with purified water as an eye wash. 3 doses of that during the day yesterday and no problems with my eyes this morning. I will definitely be continuing this protocol for the next day or two to make sure I really knock it out. I also made Asian Ginger Chicken soup for dinner. It is has spinach and mushrooms and I threw in some chicken for my husband. It is supposed to be healing and was perfect way to end my day. 

Back to the girls. They both have a few remedies to take for the next 30 days. I was excited to hear it was only 30 days. Jenna is taking the same ones for Lyme and neurotoxins I originally took. I couldn't be more proud of my girls. These remedies don't exactly taste great and they do it 3 times a day without a fight. Already we have seen an improvement with Jenna's stomach issues. She has suffered with horrible gas since she was little. I don't think she has had any since we got back. It's the little things sometimes. It is just more confirmation that we are doing the right thing. I can't wait to see what happens over the next few weeks for both girls. I am expecting big things. I got our our paperwork and test results and took some time to look them over on the flight home. The one thing that really stuck out to me was Jenna's vitality. Her little body is only functioning at about 50%. We didn't talk about that specific number so I am going to email the doc and get some more information. Hopefully her numbers will increase rapidly now that we are on the right path. If she has done this will functioning at only about half of what she should I would say she is in for big things in her future. 

Our biggest challenge at the moment is this possible CCSVI issue for me. It is all so new and there are of course no guarantees that the "angioplasty" to open up your veins will work. There is just a lot of unknowns right now. I am still feeling okay with going to get the scans done if we can come up with money. Then we can go from there. Lots of research and prayers ahead. I am feel beyond blessed though that we found Hansa. We are on our way to better health and I couldn't be more excited.

Finding Balance

I apologize for the long break since my last update. In reality, I haven't had much down time and I guess that is a sign right there that things have improved somewhat. Unfortunately I don't have much time now either so this update may be brief. I promise to give a proper update soon. Overall the improvements I had made since going to Kansas have held pretty steady. I don't have the energy I want and need yet but I guess the fact that I have been so busy means it is better than it was. Since I had a few days here and there where I was bouncing off the walls I guess I desire that everyday. At a minimum I know I can have more energy than I do.    My pain is definitely less. I don't have pain very often anymore and when I do it is milder than it was. My temperature issues are somewhat better, my seizure type stuff is better and my heart may be even a little better. So overall I have held onto some improvements but don't feel much better than I did 3 weeks ago. There is one thing that has been really bad but I do take it as a sign of overall improvement...my hayfever is out of control. I have had some bad allergies before but it has been probably mid to late nineties since they have been this intense. They have never lasted this long. They are intense everyday and have been for about 3 to 4 weeks. It would be really interesting to see where allergies show up on my top ten list now since they were number 10 when I had gone to Kansas. I finally decided to try a remedy from Hansa to see if it helps. Hopefully it will be here this week and I can get some relief. I had one little flare up about a week and a half ago that was a little strange. I was really having an amazing day or few days I should say. Then out of the blue I got sad and super depressed over that matter of a few hours. I wanted to crawl under the covers and be left alone. Some of my physical symptoms came back also. My feet got really cold, I had some pain and was sick to my stomach. What that was all about I don't know for sure but it did clear up. I am still learning to find my balance as I still have the ability to over do it. When you start feeling better you want to run out and try to make up for lost time and I catch myself paying for that every now. I just have to remember to take my remedies, get enough rest, and keep on my detox and diet.

God has really blessed my family and continued to take care of us this past month. I really feel like God has confirmed the direction we are going and I am working on continuing to trust Him to meet all of our needs. I have definitely has some ups and downs. I realize though that those down moments come from trusting man and not God. There are some big decisions in our future and I am excited to see where God will take us and how He will continue to provide for us.

One of those big decisions is  about going back to Hansa. My goal was to go back here in the next few weeks, with my husband and two girls. There is a good chance my husband can't go which make me sad but it is a must that I take my girls. My youngest is having increasing complaints of pain and stomach problems and I just want to go and get them back on track to healing whatever the reason. Of course money is always the big factor. I need a fourth person to go if my husband can't because my girls need to be watched while I am in treatment. When I looked at air fair it would cost us like 1500 for all 4 of us to fly.  That does make it cheaper to drive even with fuel being closer to 5 dollars a gallon. How we will pull this off I am not sure but I have an urgency about going back. I want to continue to heal and get my girls well on their way to healing as well. I would rather postpone starting light therapy again as that is not cheap and go back to Hansa again first. Lots to figure out in the next few days.

I wish I had time to tell you more but that is about all I can say right now. Please continue to pray for me and family and our upcoming big decisions. Oh and one last request,please look up Surf Chaser Photography and like my page on Facebook. Then share it with all of your friends. The future looks exciting and I can't wait to share more over the next few weeks.

Hansa Day 5- Half Way Through

Well my first week of treatment is done. What an experience this has been. I slept a little better last night but I still woke up tired. I also had the creepy crawly and weak feeling in my arms and legs but especially in my right forearm. When I have that feeling I usually end up of having a twitching/seizure episode. This morning was no different. It started a little while after I got to the center. I decided to push through it during my first treatment because I was going to see the doctor next. It wasn't horrible but I didn't want it to get any worse. As happens sometimes they ended up having to switch my schedule and I was going in for a massage and not seeing the doctor until after lunch. In order to try and calm things down I had to take some magnesium. I didn't want to accidentally punch my therapist. Luckily between the magnesium and the massage things calmed down. It ended up being a busy morning and I didn't get much of a break for lunch.

When I did my foot bath today it was a little different and I seemed to be getting rid of some yeast and cellular debris plus some heavy metals. Just more detoxing which is always good. When I went into to see Dr. J we went over my symptoms as usual and I told him about the seizure and the awful feeling in my arms and legs. He went to work using the percussor and the BRS. It was discovered that I had a tilted sacrum (I believe that is how he put it). It took us quite a while to get it back into place. We then worked on my right shoulder which didn't get much attention the other day due to my port. he carefully worked around it and we definitely seemed to make some progress moving things around. Hopefully that will help with the weak feeling. Although as I type this I can feel it coming back in both of my arms. We will see how things go over the weekend.

We then did some interesting neurophoton therapy with colored lights. I guess my body wasn't really absorbing red light. So seeing red light stressed me out even though I was testing deficient in it. We did the same with blue and green light which wasn't as bad as the red but needed some correction. When that process was done it opened up some new heart issues. I tested for a new remedy to be added that is supposed to help with chest pain and shortness of breath caused by cardiac asthma. I am glad we are getting somewhere with my heart. I am hoping this helps of course. I asked Dr. J if he had pinpointed what was causing my heart issues. He said no but basically for me they were able to get the microbes, bacteria, etc...under control and this is what he considered damage control. He said for many of their patients this is what ends up happening. The therapies and remedies show those causes are under control and maybe not causing any more  damage so when things show up as problems now it is damage that has been caused already. I am starting to believe that the sinus tachycardia has always been there, maybe since I was born, but wasn't bothersome so they it would have never been treated. Then over the course of my life getting different viruses or things like Lyme, they found the weakness in my heart and went there and caused some damage. What will be interesting is if this is damage that can be repaired like will I test that it is gone next week. I mean I have seen a lot of cardiologist and none of the tests they have done are showing any visible damage to them so I am not sure if this is something can even be picked up by them or just through energy medicine. I can't wait to see how things go.

As for now, I am tired, with a little headache and just kind of sore. I am going to dinner with my new friends who I have been blessed with having met here. The plan for the weekend is lots of rest, hydration, and detox baths. I did get some some copies of some of my test results to share with you and the cool thing is I will get a copy of my whole file before I leave. I also got a sheet on the ST8 lymph machine I will share with you. Hopefully I will have lots of pictures for you this weekend.

Continue the prayers, not only for me but the other two girls here. It has been a rough week on all of us but we are optimistic. Our healing is coming!

Hansa Day 4- Marching to the Beat of a Different Drum

Today has been a little rough although I made some good progress. I don't know why it is but when fatigue is front and center it certainly makes everything else harder to deal with. I had a really rough time falling asleep last night. Finally I did and I slept better than my average but not as good as the night before. I woke up really tired. It wasn't evident immediately but within an hour I knew that this would be one of my rough days. As I explained to the doctor, if I was at home I would be napping today. So being so tired definitely set the tone for my day.

I started with a machine called the ST8 for the lymphatic system. Like I said yesterday I am going to try and come up with some good in depth descriptions of each of these therapies this weekend. In any case, this helps get the lymph system moving all of the junk out. It uses 4 different methods. I remember 3 of them at the moment. A lot of my friends with Lyme will understand what these mean. This machine uses cold-gas photon therapy, a form of ozone, and rife frequencies. I need my doc in San Diego to get one of these. Then I went in for my massage. I told my awesome massage therapist how she was right on with what oils I needed yesterday. I also showed her the nice bruise that had developed on my back in the area of my colon. These massages aren't the typical total relaxing kind in a day spa. They are there to do some business and even though at times it hurts I push through it and I think it has paid off. I can literally feel knots and tension breaking up under her fingers at times. The best thing about the massage is this thing called a biomat. I am determined to get one someday. It is a mat that uses infrared technology, amethyst crystals and is heated. To lay on in it is amazing. Love it. I did the lux next which is the gemstone light therapy. That one is really relaxing.

After lunch I met with Clark I mean Dr. Jowdy. We discussed symptoms which of course was fatigue and tiredness, some muscle aches, I had developed some sinus stuff and jaw teeth pain since my massage, and muscle spasms. The usual really. We were focusing on the cranial sacral (I'm sure it is spelled wrong) fixations today. Dr. J used the tool called the percussor again. It is like the action of a jackhammer but with a mallet instead if that makes any sense. It basically beats on you which usually feels more like a vibration. It helps to align things. This is what he used to help move my organs back to their rightful place. So in addition to the spine and all he was going to focus mostly on my skull/head and where the plates of my skull may be bound. It the areas that are bound up the machine jumps up and down and as it releases it moves into the vibrating feeling. Believe it or not it didn't hurt. It actually felt good in some spots. He worked on my sinuses the same. Then he went back and moved my spine, pelvis, and even each tooth (those he did with his finger) and beat on my head again to release anything that had bound back up by what he touched. When it hits the bound up parts you almost feel like your head is a drum and someone is beating on it. Every ones head would certainly have it's own beat based on what was bound up. It was really interesting.

He did some muscle testing as well and tested some stuff with my eyes. Those can be crazy because you can see instant results when something is fixed. I took two different homeopathic remedies that my body indicated I only needed once and and issue with my eyes and another thing were fixed instantly. The doctor was very impressed overall and said that my body took over and corrected somethings on it's own so he got to jump ahead. That made me smile. Last he had me get up and do a couple of balance tests that we did on the first day. Night and day difference on my ability to balance on one leg. It was almost unbelievable. So I am making  progress it seems. We also discussed having this permanent retainer removed while I am here. It really depends on cost but I have had it for about 20 yrs and I have wanted it out. It has been hard to find a dentist to remove it and then it is usually more than I wanted to pay. Although Dr. J doesn't feel it is a huge interference things like retainers and braces have caused huge issues and it would be great to do final cranial fixations adjustments with it out. So we will see if we can pull that off. I finished up the sauna and foot bath. I am not feeling horrible and I obviously have made some improvements. My feet weren't really cold today either so I count that as a step in the right direction. I can even tell I am standing up straighter without much effort. I am really just worn out, a little sore, and have a pesky headache starting to come back. I am hoping to eat dinner and have much better luck sleeping tonight. Hopefully I will feel better in the morning. I am still really so excited and thankful to be here and I am learning so much everyday. Let me just say that my mind and way of thinking about health, western medicine, etc...has completely changed. I am really go do some things different for myself and my family. Don't hesitate to leave me messages, ask questions, and of course keep up the prayers. Love ya all.

Hansa Day 2- The Proof is in the Water

Be still and know that I am God.- Psalm 46:10

Day two is coming to a close and I am ready for bed. I'm sorry if this ends up being a short update but I am still a little on information overload and am really tired. I also have a horrible headache which I can't seem to figure out if it is sinus, tension, or both. Just one for thing for them to tackle tomorrow.

So today I started out by seeing my doctor, Dr. Jowdy (he reminds me of Clark Kent a little). If he helps me get me better he really will be Superman. Anyways, there were a couple of things I forgot to mention yesterday that popped into my head that the doctor had mentioned. To start, when doing the second test yesterday Dr. J was able to determine that both of my shoulders are out of alignment, my right wrist and left ankle are out of alignment and I have 37 pelvic misalignment's. During the CRT he was impressed with how my thyroid responded being that I only have half left. To digress for just a minute, when I was a senior in high school, my mom noticed a lump in my neck. Long story short it was a non-malignant tumor that had to be removed and it took the right side of my thyroid with it. I have not been on thyroid medication until about 6 yrs ago. The only reason I was put on it was because I was growing more tumors even though the "function" was considered normal. I needed to keep my levels in a certain range to prevent tumor growth (at least that is what I was told). So during my second test, the bio-resonance scan, it was determined that there was cell replication at a faster than normal rate going on in my thyroid. That basically indicates more tumor growth. The hope was to slow or stop it before I left. So going back to today we tested my supplements and medications. Keep in mind I am on almost nothing right now, compared to what I was and I am okay with that. I don't know how much anything was helping. So in testing, (the brs again) it was determined that I did need my thyroid medication. However, when Dr. J picked out and tested my homeopathic supplements my test for the thyroid medication changed to not needing it. AND the replication no longer existed. So basically, I may be able to stop the thyroid med and not grow anymore tumors. Crazy I know but amazing at the same time. Basically we ran through what needed to be dealt with through the scan and I think viruses then bacteria and what ever else. So I started my supplements right there in the office and I believe I will be tested everyday to see how things are progressing. Then my treatment will be tailored to that.

My treatments today were essentially the same. I added the FAR sauna and the UVinator (I think that's the name). The massage was good. Dr J did do some adjustments today and some myofascial release. It was a different kind of chiropractics then I was used. Basically everything revolves around energy. It was good. I had problems going to bed last night but once I fell asleep I think I slept better. That is one little improvement. We decided we will only discuss my ongoing everyday symptoms during my daily doctors appointment. He won't bring up the symptoms that only happen occasionally. I have to let him know what is going on. It is all part of being positive. I believe I will get better. It will happen. That makes me excited. I have also had a wonderful time meeting some other patients including a family who is here for their teenage daughter dealing with Lyme. I had met them before we came on one of the Lyme groups and it has been so great to be able to talk with them in person. What an amazing journey this is for all of us.

I did the Ionic foot bath again today with different results. I took more pictures that I will post at some point. It is so cool to see it directly relates to how you are feeling or things the doctor is targeting. I had major toxins from the joints, which made sense because my joints were killing me this afternoon and this evening. I also had a lot of lymphatic stuff which we targeted today. So I guess that is about it for now. This headache is still nagging and I would like to try and sleep it off with out taking anything so a quick bath and off to bed. Until tomorrow...thanks again for the prayers, support and kind words. They are such a help and encouragement.

Hansa Day 1- Information Overload

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jerimiah 29:11

I have always loved this verse and it seems to so fitting as to have popped up the last couple of days. I believe it is God's way of giving me hope. This verse is even in the Hansa Center lobby. I saw it when I walked in this morning and it gave me instant peace. Out of everything I took into today, that verse sticks out the most.

Today was indescribable. I don't know exactly what I was expecting but I know I got so much more than I thought possible. I had not even started any treatments and I was ready to scream to the world, you need to come here. How soon could I book my whole family a trip to come out here and get healthy. I realized very early in my day that I needed to clarify what I am really doing here in Kansas. I am not here for Lyme Disease treatment. I am here to restore my bodies balance and achieve optimum. It may sound strange, but ultimately the doctors at the Hansa Center don't care too much about what specifically is causing your body to malfunction. They care about restoring it's function. I mean they do look at viruses, bacteria, chemical issues, etc...but if you don't have a clue what is wrong with you, you could come here and never know for sure it was Lyme, or EBV or whatever but you would be know bacteria or a virus caused certain things to go wrong and you would work on restoring it. I guess what I am saying is the "name" is not really the issue. This goes along well with the positive attitude that Hansa strives for. I do need to stop identifying myself by my disease. I am not a "lymie" any longer.

As my title implies, I am on information overload. I wish I would have written everything down that the doctor said or recorded it because by the end of the day, it is somewhat of a blur. I am going to do my best to give you a brief rundown of what happened. If I tried to tell you everything in detail, I wouldn't be done blogging by the time I needed to go back tomorrow.

First thing was my CRT test. This involved taking my temperature at over 100 points on the body, subjecting me to cool temperatures for 10 minutes and retaking the temperature at those same points. You know I don't hold back so be ready for TMI. You had to show up this morning with no shower, no deodorant, no teeth brush, and for girls no bra. Yay! Just how I want to start my morning. Anyways, you just had to stay that way until the CRT test was done. Then you could take care of those things. I was the first one in for testing and the first to meet with the doctor to discuss my results. This was probably the most telling test I have ever done. What this test revealed was amazing. It was very evident which systems are off in my body. Long story short, it was confirmatory on a number of things and revealing in some others. The two stand out things I can think of are that my thyroid is doing really well despite only having half of it and maybe I can end up getting off of my thyroid medication. Second alot of my issues especially brain and neurological related are most likely due to CCSVI or chronic cebrospinal venous insufficiency. I have heard of this briefly before but didn't have a clue I might have it. I should know more by the end of my two weeks if the doctors believe I do indeed have it. My symptoms and tests are screaming it so far. If I do, that will involve some in depth testing and procedures probably in Las Vegas. I did briefly read tonight that there is a belief that this is one of the main causes of MS. I am not scared though. I am so excited to feel like we have more information. After reviewing symptoms, concerns, and the CRT the doctor did Bio-resonance scanning. It is almost like a really in depth form of muscle testing. Again, God prepared me for this. A few years ago, I would have walked out of the office thinking this doctor was nuts. God's timing is perfect, what else can I say. That testing basically gave the doctor the top 10 issues to work on. I do have issues with liver, spleen, heart, viruses, adrenals, sympathetic nervous system, and ammonia in the heart and brain among other things. I knew my adrenals were shot and had suspicions on my nervous system. Basically the whole morning was confirmatory and enlightening. I left feeling more hope than I ever had. I basically gave them a lot to work with. :) As the doctor said about my CRT, I don't want to say its abnormal, but it is certainly different. That is me. Normal is boring!



On a side note, my hotel is awesome. I went to "Green Acres" just like a Sprouts to get some groceries but my hotel does serve a breakfast everyday and dinner I think Monday thru Thursday. The weather is beautifully cold. Hansa is directly next door so I walk about 30 seconds to get there. Miss my family like crazy but enjoying the time to focus on my health. Now I need to get to bed and get some much needed rest. I am really tire and my body needs to heal. Taking lost of pictures I will try to post at some point. Not super tech savy but will try. Anyways, I'll check into tomorrow. Thanks for following along and for all of the prayers and support.

Changes and Blessings

You might have noticed I changed the title and description of my blog. It has been something I have been thinking about for a little while and now just seemed like a perfect time. That doesn't mean that the content of my blog is really going to change. I just think it is important that I help myself break the my identity as only a lymie. Lyme disease is something I am I will probably think about everyday for the rest of my life. As long as this disease is active it will always be at the forefront of my mind. I just need to remind myself that I am not just a lymie though. I was a daughter, friend, wife, mom, fire inspector, etc...all before I could identify myself as a lymie. Because lyme affects every part of my life it's virtually impossible to separate it all. I hope you will still keep up with my journey.

The title of my blog isn't the only change that I have going on. After seeing my doc today it looks like some more changes are in my future.I updated my doc about my appointments with my llnd and the new cardiologist. He wasn't really happy about my new heart medicine. He feels that any of the heart meds are just a band aid to the the problem. I would have to agree but no one has given me a better solution to my heart problems. I still don't know the cause of my heart issues. It may be lyme or one of the co-infections or something else. At this point we just don't know and may never know. At this time I am not going to stop the new medication but I am going to try a form of meditation and see if it helps. Quite a while ago, in the midst of my heart trouble, I found something called the Institute of Heart Math. I wouldn't know how to explain it but I would say look it up. Anyways, my doc brought it up to me and explained a little about the science behind this meditation practice of heart centered breathing and focusing on something positive, something that makes me happy. Basically this practice is supposed to be able to change the way my heart is functioning. It certainly can't hurt. I am hoping to find my heart monitor so I can better track my heart rate and hopefully I will be able to see a noticeable difference.

Next we discussed the fact that I don't really feel like I have made much improvement in the past few months. We discussed my llnd's opinion on my need for detox. I told the doc that I am getting a sauna( should be here tomorrow YEAH!). He was very excited for me and I have heard from a few people that it made a big difference in how they felt so I am praying this will get me headed in the right direction. The doc put me on selenium, vit a, and zinc which all should be helpful. Then came the biggest change...we have decided to finish this week of IV antibiotics and that stop all antibiotics for 2 months. The plan is to go 2 months off, 2 months on, 2 months off, 2 months off and be done. I am so excited and nervous at the same time. He also has me starting diflucan during the months off. The way the doc explained it was the diflucan will paralyze the bugs and keep them from dumping toxins when I start the meds back up. I have to talk to some other lymies and see if they have done the diflucan and how it has worked. I didn't get to read like normal during my IV today because I ended up talking to two lymies. One lady I have seen before. She is has/is really sick but her lyme is actually in remission. She is just dealing with a bunch of other stuff from being sick so long. Then a new lymie that I have met on the computer came in. She just started her IV this week. It was nice to connect in person. the sad thing was the nurse told me 3 new patients start IV treatment for lyme next week. This disease is everywhere and can affect anybody. Just blows my mind. Anyways, I am excited to see how the next month or two goes. The change is perfect timing with the sauna coming in. Now I have more freedom to use it. I am going to try to get back to the gym also and just do whatever I can to help this detox process along. I will say I have been very consistent with my protein shake and I feel like I am starting to cut some of the other sugar out. That is a huge accomplishment for me. Yeah for that too.

The doctor did write a new note for work. The new note however says that there are going to be no changes to my work schedule for at least 3 months. I have to take this new note and meet with HR and the Chief tomorrow to renegotiate. I know I will be super nervous but I am really feeling like it is out of my hands. Essentially, even if I can increase how much I am working at the end of 3 months I won't be full time/full duty with no restrictions for at least 8 months. That my just be a deal breaker with the City. It is what it is and I am actually feeling comfortable with however things go. I'll try to update after my meeting tomorrow, so stay tuned. There may be bigger changes yet to come.

I wanted to end by sharing how blessed I am. Through this entire ordeal I have been blessed. I can look back at my darkest moments and see that I was blessed even when it didn't seem like it at the moment. I have started reading a book called Life Interrupted that has been a huge help. I just feel like God has been working behind the scenes and I am starting to get a glimpse of what may be coming. It certainly makes me excited. I am ready for some big changes. I still have my ups and downs. I still have some moments where I feel like this situation is hopeless but they seem to be brief and I just am starting to get excited about what the future holds. Can't wait to share more of this journey in the coming weeks. Keep the prayers coming. I can still use help in paying for medical bills. How sad that I would say for my birthday I would like help paying for my medical bills but it is true. You know where the donate button is. Here's to hoping you all are having a great summer and that life is treating you good.

Detox is the key

I guess it is about time I post an update. It has been a few weeks and I just haven't been able to get around to it. Well, there was a time or two I could have but it just so happened that my brain was not cooperating at that moment. So today I guess the stars have aligned and I feel well enough and have the time to complete this task. The one thing I am really bad about with my blog is going back and reading my past posts. I apologize in advance for repeating things a bunch of times but rereading my last few posts each time would just make me tired and then I would never get around to a new post. Of course I am now wondering where to begin...

Let me start with my appointment with my llnd. In the past I have usually done phone appointments because it was just easier. My doc just moved to NY and opened a new office in Connecticut so she isn't in her San Diego office as much (a week or two a month) and it is kind of a drive. This time though, I decided to go in and see her. If I am totally honest, I really wanted to meet her new puppy and office dog, Harry Winston. I believe he is a Kingsley and he is so cute. He is from Australia just like my doc. Back to the visit- it was good to see her in person. We typically go over current meds, supplements, and symptoms and figure out what to do. This time though I had to ask what supplements were crucial and what were negotiable or could I get a generic brand of. I am spending about 400 dollars a month on her supplements alone so if I could reduce that price it would helpful. We decided I could make a few changes but they may have cancelled each other out. I can stop taking the teasel root and the CogniCare but I added in a herbal detox formula. I also added in liquid glutathione but I haven't started it yet. My doc also gave me so diatamacous earth (I know I probably spelled it wrong). She had just gotten a big bag in that she was going to try so she sent me home with some for free. I haven't tried that yet either. Just taking it one thing at a time. I would really like to keep at least monthly appointments with her it $125 a visit. I just can't pull that off. My family is already trying to come up with $1000+ a month. I know for some people that is on the low end but in any case most people don't have that kind of extra money every month. Let alone the fact that we are still short over 50% of my income. I just squeeze her in every couple of months, which has worked so far but I do wish it could be more.

After reviewing all of my symptoms and everything it was decided that we are probably doing enough bug killing but not enough to help me detox. That of course would be why I started on the detox formula. We talked about my diet which I admitted sucks. She said, lets not focus on taking things away then. Lets focus on adding them in. First thing I was asked to do consistently is have a protein shake. So far, I have been fairly consistent. I also came up with a new recipe that I absolutely love. The real test of it will be later today because I just got my chocolate protein powder but here is what I have been doing. I love my coffee in the morning, even though it is decaf. I always have some type of mocha and I was usually buying them and not making them myself. I began wondering if I could make a protein mocha and lets just say it is my new favorite drink. One of the things I have mentioned before I am supposed to do is cut out sugar, which has been fairly impossible. In some of my research, including that primal diet my other doc suggested, I found out about heavy cream. It is a wonderful thing. Rich and creamy with no sugar. If I cut out the sugar as much as possible and reduce some of the carbs the fat is not supposed to be an issue. This gave me the idea for my iced protein mocha. I make extra strong decaf coffee especially if I don't have time to let it cool down and a few tablespoons of heavy cream and protein powder. Shake it up and pour it over ice. Now I get my protein and my coffee all at once. I will admit I had to finish my vanilla powder so I was adding some Hershey's which wasn't reducing the sugar. With the new chocolate whey protein powder I should be getting about 20 grams of protein and only 1 gram of sugar. I was originally also adding non fat plain greek yogurt but that bite of the yogurt wasn't so good. I highly encourage you to try it.

Sorry I got a little off topic. I tend to get long winded when I haven't updated in a while. Back to detox. I have looked at other things that are supposed to help with detox and long story short I am trying to get one of the Far Infrared Saunas. I know a few people who have the portable tent or tube type and they seem to work just fine. I am not saying I wouldn't do one of those but my parents are looking at the big ones. I mean it is a one person one but is made or cedar or hemlock, has music, and air purifier, and light therapy. It was perfect timing with our big county fair that was just here. There was a company there selling them and I am praying my parents are able to pull off getting me one. The cool thing is the whole family (except the kids) can use them and benefit. I llnd highly recommends them and so does my other doc. I have used on a couple times and they are amazing. So we will see. If you haven't read up on them I highly encourage you to do so. You can just look up FIR Saunas and you will find a bunch of great info. It actually looked like I might get one before the fair left town but in looking at them my dad became concerned over the mention of certain heart patients not using them. I tried to reassure him I was good to go  but he wanted me to triple check. Since I was going to see this new cardiologist he said he wanted to wait and see what he said. So I checked and he didnt' care. So bottom line, bug killing will continue and the main focus will be detox. I do see my other doc this coming week and will get an update from him as well.

Sorry this post is so long but a lot has gone on and I want to catch up as best as I can. So I did go see a new cardiologist yesterday. This doc was recommended by a fellow lymie and is at least lyme friendly. Now have covered a lot of my heart stuff before but to recap as quick as I can...I have had a high resting heart rate for quite a while but it was never bothersome until the last 5 years or so. I started having major palpitations, tightness in my chest, and be short of breath after climbing one flight of stairs. We started a physical fitness program at work through a grant we got and it was during my first stress test that I knew there was a problem. I failed miserably, being short of breath and having my heart rate be at about 217 less then 7 minutes into walking up hill on the treadmill. Started seeing a cardiologist and wearing monitors and running tests. Must be inappropriate sinus tach. We decided to do nothing that first year. Next year and I get on the treadmill again only to have to stop about 6 minutes in with severe left sided chest pain and a heart rate of 272. You read right 272 beats per minute. I ended up getting an ambulance ride to the ER when a few hours later my heart rate was still 150. Saw an electrophysiologist (cardiac electrician) and again IST was the diagnosis. It won't kill me. Don't worry about it. Here is some beta blockers go on your way. The beta blockers have helped a little because my resting heart rate is below 100. I still have sporadic episodes where it jumps to over 200 and I'm not even on a treadmill or it goes from 95 to 140 after climbing one fight of stairs. Probably the most bothersome thing I have been having to deal with. Well knowing that heart failure is the second leading cause of death in lymies only behind suicide I wanted another opinion. I already had seen a different cardiologist who is the head at one of the local hospitals and he said I don't have lyme and this is all anxiety and depression. Obviously I didn't go see him anymore. The infectious disease doctor I say even said she believed I had Lyme Carditis which is the prime reason I needed to do the IV's. So I got this referral and was pleased with my appointment yesterday. This doc did admit that he only knew of Lyme causing heart blockage but he would look into it. Bottom line is, things are still not working as they should. My resting heart rate of 50 mg of Toprol is usually 88 but I don't think I have ever seen it go below 80. During one of my monitor tests the lowest it ever went when I believe I was sleeping was 68. The game plan this doc suggested was add a second heart medication. If that doesn't help I will add a third. Just I want more meds. I think this second one is still a beta blocker. The third one would be a calcium channel blocker. He also gave me a prescription for a med called Rhytmix or something along those lines that I can take during an episode. He told me to try and stay out of the ER ( I couldn't agree more) and just pop two of these pills during an episode where I can't control my heart rate. I back in about 2 weeks for an echocardiogram and the following week for another stress test. At least he is pursing trying to fix it. I do believe there is some possibility of a pace maker in my future. We will see how this goes.

I guess that is about it. I will be totally shocked if anyone has made to the end of this post but thanks if you have. Don't forget to help me cover the cost of my treatment by donating to fundraising site or buying some of photos. Thanks for the support. Prayers are always appreicated and comments are always welcome.

The Mirror Does Lie

"The Lord is Kind for ever and ever; the nations will perish from His land.  You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; You encourage them, and You listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more." Psalm 10:16-18 NIV

I've decided to start my entries with a Bible verse, song, or some encouraging word. That way there is always something positive that you can take away. I have a lot of supporters who read this just to keep up with my journey but I also have a lot of Lymies that read this too. No matter who you are or what your circumstances are I hope you can find some comfort in the words I choose to share.

Moving on, things have been really rough lately. Not just physically but emotionally and mentally too. This disease lets nothing rest. I had the chance to see some friends I don't get to see but maybe once a year this past weekend. It was nice to have a chance to see them even if only for a little bit. They were eager to see me as they have been following along this journey. As seems to be the norm lately, I was told how great I look. I hear that a lot. I have even noticed myself, that I do "cleanup" pretty well. I'm sure people are just being nice but if there is  any truth to what they say then I can't imagine how amazing I might look if I was well. The truth that has just been in my face this past week is that the mirror lies. My doctor says I look good and I must admit sometimes I agree. It just makes it difficult to even look at yourself and think I don't look sick. And if I don't look sick how on earth can I feel so bad.

Again I have faced some really tough days. Yesterday I actually had to call in sick to work. I woke up in pain but had every intention of pushing through like I have so many other days. Then out of the blue, I got dizzy and nauseous and my heart was not happy. I had a bad headache and backache and didn't get off the couch until dinner time. There were moments yesterday where I thought I could be dying. Everything in my body seemed to dysfunctioning (if that's even a word). It gets downright scary. I find myself either praying to God to get me through this with out panicking and to just let me fall asleep. Then there are very brief moments when I think God if this is what the rest of my life is going to be like take me please. Of course I don't want to die right now. I want to be here with my kids and husband. I know I have something else to accomplish. There are just times when you physically feel like you body is going to just start shutting down and your not sure what to do. I got up off the couch to go to bed and ended up in the kitchen with tears streaming down my face from the pain. God, it is not okay to be in this much pain. It's not. I can't handle anymore pain. I woke up this morning so obviously I handled it or God handled it for me I guess.

All of this once again raises concerns about the future. Will I ever be able to work again full time? Right now I don't see that in the near future. I don't know that I see that happening this year. That really leaves a lot to be discussed.  Once again the financial strain that this has caused my family just adds to the stress. This stress is felt by my parents as they have taken us in and on multiple occasions had to come up with hundreds of dollars for treatment and doctors. I find myself maybe hiding the truth. I don't want to run to them every time I run out of a supplement or medication and don't have the money to pay for it. In a perfect world my supplements would be a standing order shipped every month with no questions asked. The money would always be there. As I have said before this scenario is true for almost every person with Lyme out there. Although there are some rich and famous people that have been afflicted with Lyme there stories just don't seem to be as bad. I have to believe that is largely in part due to the fact that can seek the meds and the treatments that the rest of us can only wish for. Maybe I am totally wrong but I am not the only that feels this a disease for the "rich". The insurance companies are not on your side. As a wife and a mother I struggle with putting myself first. So when I have to look at what the cost of treating my disease maybe taking away from children it is hard to put it first. My kids deserve so much more than they have gotten that it is hard to know that I have taken something away from them to try and fight this. It wears on your mind. I mean if there isn't a cure then am I just wasting time and money? I know that is not the case. I believe I may be able to get back to fairly normal life. I am not ready to give up but this just shows you the kind of head games you can get sucked into with this.

My one doc is out of town until the middle of July so I set up a regular appointment with him for when he returns. Although he usually pops his head in during my IV it is not a true appointment to reevaluate where we are going. I also need  to schedule an appointment with my LLND. I guess I need to have the discussion of if I can't take or do everything what are the most important or beneficial things I can take or do? I have also scheduled an important with a cardiologist who is supposed to by Lyme knowledgeable or friendly. I just can't shake the concern that Lyme is damaging my heart in some way that we just haven't seen yet. What test have we not done? I mean all of the other cardiologist said my electrical issues were not life threatening and I didn't need to be concerned that my heart can go over 200. Although the cardiac specialist had never seen a heart rate as high as mine had gotten, 272 bpm, I should not worry. The only issue with a high rate like mine is that the heart muscle may wear out quicker than normal but again I don't have anything to worry about. Does that make sense to anybody? Plus the leading cause of Lyme related deaths, besides suicide, are cardiac issues. The few I have heard about don't seem to be people that got deathly ill and died without having a chance to undergo treatment. These are people, that had lyme for a long time, like me, and were in ongoing, long term treatment. Maybe even a few years into treatment they lost the fight. I just want to cover my bases.

I'm still working through this all as you can tell. This has certainly been the longest roller coaster ride I have ever been on. I question too how soon I can afford and should I get my kids tested. I don't want them to go through what I have been through. Part of my wants to stop my treatment and focus on them for a while. It's like the scenario on the plane of putting your oxygen mask on first. I can see it both ways. If I'm not better how can I support my children should they be diagnosed. Then again, if my treatment drags on for years, which it certainly looks like it is going too, how much damage could I be doing to them by not getting them treated right now. Lots to pray about and figure out.

Well I think I have thoroughly exhausted my brain for now. There is rest that is needed, plus errands to run and even a quick trip into work today and tomorrow. I hope everyone has a great fathers day weekend. Please let you dads and husbands (if they are fathers) know just how much they mean to you. To all of you, whose dad has passed, my heart goes out to you as this can always be a tough day. Thanks for all of the support.

Status Quo

Well another week of work has come to an end. I have once again survived. This week was a little tougher than the last. I did manage to have two days or so last week where my biggest issue was being tired. That was improvement from the previous few weeks. Unfortunately it didn't last long. Symptoms have ramped back up this week. The tiredness and fatigue never goes away. Some pain has come back. In fact today I have had a lot of the burning nerve pain migrating around. Yesterday I had a little tremor and twitching episode at work along with some weakness. I also had one little spot on the tip of my nose that was going numb on and off through out the day. This disease is so weird. I have had a lot of muscle aching back in my arms and the shortness of breath is back. I had to walk up a hill at a job site and got my butt kicked. So frustrating. I can't keep up on my supplements due to the money issue. I am hoping that once we get into me having a paycheck again we can get into a routine of being able to by supplements before they run out. I haven't had a chance to talk to the doctor about my labs with the heavy metal. Hopefully I can do that soon. Really, I just realized I have a lab slip for blood work that i have had for at least a month. I keep forgetting to go. Hate Lyme brain. Well anyways, I picked up something new today to try for detox. I also have inquired about the cost of HBOT but the place in San Diego I e-mailed hasn't gotten back to me. I hear it's really pricey but it is worth looking into. I just don't know if I can do it while I have my port in. I'm looking into it. I went and saw the eye doctor yesterday and my prescription has changed a little bit but the good news is there seems to be no damage from the Plaquenil I was taking. Not much else has changed. The symptoms just keep hanging in there and I'm not feeling much better. Some days has just knocked me out and put into bed as soon as I get home. The money and cost of my treatments is still a mess. There just isn't enough to cover it all but God has continued to provide and I am better off than a lot of other Lyme patients. We could still use your help though so if you are so inclined please check out the links to my photo site and purchase some of my work or go to my donation site and make a secure donation to help me cover my medical costs. I am hanging in there but could certainly still use your prayers. We have recently gained some ground in the Lyme community but we still have a long way to go in the political battle. Don't forget to watch the award winning documentary "Under Our Skin" as it is now available on demand for a lot of cable companies and also available for instant viewing on Netflix. I'll continue to keep you posted. I think there is a few other things that I wanted to say but at this point my brain just isn't cooperating.

I'm Nuclear

So I am still hear. 3 weeks down at a work and I am still alive. In some ways it feels barely alive but alive none the less. I have some good and some what interesting news from the doctors office. I got my heavy metal test back and the doctor was fairly happy with the results. I am only slightly high in 3 things. That is the good news. The interesting news has to do with the 3 things I am high in. One is aluminum. I guess the most common source of that is cookware. Deodorant is also a source. I didn't think we had aluminum  cookware but I could be wrong. Guess I need to look into that. The other metals are really weird. I am high in uranium and something called gadolinium. Both of those are used in different nuclear applications. Could someone please tell me where I am getting exposure to anything nuclear? I am surprised I am not glowing in the dark. Hopefully the doctor can shed some more insight on that subject.

I have got to say that my symptoms have been really noticeable still. I have definitely had an increase in fatigue. I slept about 4 hours during the day about a week ago and I was in bed by 5:30 a couple of days this past week after work. I have been having a lot of headaches and sore throats. The pain, well there is not much to say except it is bad. I have had very few days in the past 3 weeks with no pain. I at least have it at night if I haven't had it earlier in the day. Some days it has been bad muscle aches, in my arms again which have been gone for quite a while. a lot of it is the bone and joint pain everywhere. This morning in just two fingers I am getting waves of joint pain that takes my breath away it is so intense. I've had some burning nerve pain again and the left side of my face starts going numb. It is so hard to figure out why the increase in some of this stuff again. I am still thinking it is from the new medication I am on. I guess the good news is I would take all of this to mean it is working and getting rid of some more lyme or co-infections. The frustrating part is of course how long will last or how much more do I have? The doctor said when I felt consistently good we would do the IV for two more months. Although I have made some improvements I don't consider this consistently better. In some ways it is hard to come up with a definition for that. I guess this is where good tracking of my symptoms comes in to play. Then I can hopefully look back and see a difference on paper.

I am also going to try and work harder at doing things that may help me feel better. I know you probably think...Well duh! Why wouldn't you be doing everything you can to feel better. As I have said before, this disease can become like a full time job. Dealing with the symptoms, getting enough rest, and taking all of your meds and supplements can take up all of your time. My husband just asked me the other day if I am doing everything I can to get better? I would like to think I am but I guess if I am totally honest about it I am not. I am going to make an even greater effort to do the things that may help me get better or at least feel better. That means drinking plenty of good water, eating lots of greens, doing my protein shakes, cutting the junk, working out at least twice a week, rebounding, dry brushing, and Epsom salt baths (on days I am not using my port), plenty of rest, buying my portable FIR sauna and using it on the days my port is not accessed, thinking positive, taking all my meds and supplements everyday no matter what...I think that covers almost all of it. Well I guess I am going to try and do all of that I better get off the computer! Have a great Memorial Day weekend. Thank you to everyone in the military, past and present, some of which have risked or given their life that we might be free. God Bless the USA!

On the Rebound(er) and Other Stuff

I have been repeatedly trying to get my act together when it comes to eating right and doing other things to help this process move along in the right direction. Time and time again I fall off the wagon. I have never had good self control when it comes to sweets or should I say not eating sweets and eating the right stuff instead. I am sorry to say but if some of the healthy stuff actually tasted good it wouldn't be as big of a problem. The other issue is cost of course. I haven't given up though. I am constantly climbing back on the wagon and trying again. I think part of my problem is that I try to make to many changes at once. If I could pick one thing to start with and go from there it would probably work much better. As usual though, I'll agonize over which thing to start with and then not do anything. I guess picking anything is better than nothing. Something for me to try. One of the things I have tried on and off is to make a green smoothie. Making on that tastes good is a little tricky. I may need to pick different super greens for one. Mine are a very strong berry flavor. I tried one the other day that had a whole avocado in it. It did give it a very smooth texture but I kind of had to choke it down. I recently got a link to a website that is supposed to have some good recipes. I'll check it out and keep playing around. When I find a good when I will let you know.
I will say I have been making it to the gym a couple of times a week. I have been walking on the treadmill and doing lower body weights. Doing anything involving my port, even when it's not accessed, makes me nervous. From what I have read weight training is what my focus should be. Cardio or aerobic type training isn't good for us. I do walk on the treadmill for a while but I may reduce that and just keep up with the weights. Some Lymies have to start with physical therapy type exercises because the disease has taken them so far back physically. I am thankful for what I have been able to do.
Now about being on the rebound...er that is. The rebounder. I bought one about two weeks. It is essentially a mini-trampoline. My mom had one of these back in the 80's. Mine is about as cheap as you can get. I didn't get in depth on the differences but paying $35 versus $350 seemed like the way to go for me. If I become a crazy rebounding pro then I may have to upgrade. Until then mine will work just fine. It sounds like rebounding is supposed to be one of the best exercises around for you. It is supposedly much easier on the joints. When I was researching a little about it, I found a crazy rebounding gym in San Francisco that looked so fun. Well the reason I am rebounding is not so much for exercise but for detox. I will say that after just a few minutes my legs are getting tight so it definitely seems to work on the exercise part. The detox part though has to do with the lymphatic system. Our lymphatic system plays an important role in clearing the junk from our bodies. I'm sure you know what a swollen lymph node feels like. I have learned that the lymphatic system is filled with one-way valves. The bouncing movement helps open the one way valves and dump some of the junk it has been accumulating. My doctor thought it was great when I said I was going to start rebounding. It makes sense to me. Now I hope it works. I can only do it on the days when my port is not accessed. But I am trying to do it a couple of times a day for about 5 minutes. At least once a day after I rebound, I go and dry brush my skin to get remove the top layer of dead skin and get the circulation going and then I take a hot shower and wash with my activated charcoal soap. I am hoping that this routine really will begin to make a difference in getting some of the toxins out. I still do my Epsom salt baths a lot and I really want to start using the FIR Sauna. I have some friends that have one and have told me I can come use it. I don't know why I haven't taken them up on the offer. I just don't like to be a bother. And to drive 15 to 20 minutes one way to be there for only 15 minutes seems like a lot. I am trying to work out the finances to buy a portable one. I know a handful of Lymies who have a portable one and it works great. I can get one for under $200. I know that seems like so little but when you have maxed out the credit cards and have $700 plus of medical bills a month it can get tricky. I'm sure we will make it work sooner or later.
Switching subjects (which I never do...lol). My husband and I had a good talk yesterday just about where things are going with treatment, work, etc. (I won't share as much as I want to in regards to work and some of what is going on right now just because I am not totally comfortable with it and there are still some unknowns) Basically our conversation had a lot to do with mental attitude. I will say that I do believe that mental attitude plays a role in a lot of things including recovery or healing. My husband is a very big believer in this. We have a slight difference of opinion on my mental attitude and how positive I am or am not being. I know I have probably talked about this a million times so I am sorry if you are tired of hearing it, but I had to explain to him that for as much as I complain or am vocal about how I bad I am feeling that I actually try and keep my mouth shut a lot. He said if I looked at Facebook posts the past year I would see a lot of negative stuff. It's weird because I have been wondering this past week about creating another Facebook account for all my Lyme friends and keeping other friends and family separate. I know a few people who have done this. I decided I wasn't going to do that but that I would try even harder to keep my whining to my Lyme groups that I joined just for that purpose and for support from other Lymies. Then last night I see a challenge by one of my friends for the next week to keep our posts in the one group really positive and leave the negative stuff out. I am seeing a trend here. So I am going to try to do better. My blog may be the one place that I vent like crazy so I am apologizing in advance if there is a lot of whining or not so happy stuff. I guess I struggle with wanting to be positive yet at the same time, get the word out about the reality of Lyme Disease. If you never talk about the bad stuff people may not take this disease seriously and may not understand how debilitating it really is. I guess I just need to work on finding the balance between the two. It will come eventually. So Ryan and I talked more about work and my upcoming return date. The discussion revolved around how I would know when I was ready to go back. He says if I don't ever "want" to go back then I will never be ready. I'm sure that I haven't kept it a secrete that if I could be a stay at home mom I would. That is where my heart is. I told him I would rather be at work and feeling great than be at home feeling like I do. Unless a miracle happens, the feeling great part doesn't seem to be in the near future. In fact my couple days of feeling good quickly gave way to a rough couple of weeks. Do I feel better than I did 6 months ago? Yes. Have I had more days of intense pain in the past 2 to 3 weeks than I did the past almost 11 months? Yes. I may have more days with very little symptoms other than feeling tired and the fatigue may not be as bad. On the flip side though the days that I don't feel good, especially with pain, the pain is intense, almost debilitating. My neurological symptoms continue to decline slowly. My spelling sucks. Our two great secretaries at work will be busy proof reading all my stuff for sure. So basically I will be going back to work (part time to start) in the next 3 to 4 weeks. I have to give it a shot. I am just worried that I will start to regress. I am going to do my best to have a positive attitude. But I know in the end I have to be realistic. I am not superwoman. Hopefully things will turn out just fine. Bottom line, God is in control. If things go according to His plan then they will be perfect.