Return to Hansa

So the return to Hansa has begun. What an incredibly exhausting day it has been. I could not be more impressed with how well my girls behaved today. I even got a compliment from a passenger on our first flight for their behavior. What a great feeling as a parent. I made sure my girls knew how much I appreciated that. I wish I could say that today was stress free and easy but would fun would it be if everything went off without a hitch. Getting to see some of my favoritest people from last time made the whole day worth it.

Here is a quick run down of our crazy day. San Diego-Los Angeles-Houston-Wichita. We left our house by 5:30 to get to the San Diego airport for a 7:30 flight to LA. My husband offered to find a Starbucks for my daily coffee fix but I said no, I'll grab one at the airport. Well the commuter terminal has almost nothing in it and I figured no biggie I'll grab one in LAX. Of course by the time we landed and all, we didn't have as much time as I thought. Not knowing my way around I just wanted to get to our gate and go from there. Found our gate, almost time to start boarding and there is nothing really around. Our flight ended up being late and I could have found food and coffee but no one communicated what was going on. Let me say that our United plane from LA to Houston  was great. Free headphones if needed and tvs at every seat with free games, movies(good ones too), tv shows, music, etc...So for that United is awesome. However customer service at the airport is awful. Like I said, a late and oversold flight with no info as to what was going on. We of course are late landing. We get off the plane and I confirm our gate for our connecting flight. Totally different terminal, meaning you have to take a tram since the Houston airport is so big. I have less than 30 minutes to take off and all the lady says if we don't stop at all we should make it. No offers to help us by giving us a ride on one of the million little luggage carts cruising around. Me and both girls are running through the airport with all of our stuff only to get to our gate and find out they are behind. It was like a scene from Home Alone. We landed safely though which is the most important part. Although I am still looking for my mocha.

It feels good to be back only I wish we were staying for longer than 3 days. I am excited to see my progress and to get some more healing going but I am way more excited to hear what they say about my girls tomorrow. The anticipation is almost too much to handle. I have been having some symptoms return over the last two weeks so the timing couldn't be better. I realized the other day I screwed up though, by relying solely on my brain, and I stopped all of my remedies like two weeks earlier than I should have. I am wondering if that is why I am having a little flare up or relapse or whatever. By the time I caught the mistake it was too late to start everything back up so I will talk with the doctor and have all of my remedies retested to see where I stand on them. Part of my wonders if 3 days is really enough but I believe we should be able to accomplish a lot. The only thing I know right now is that Jenna, who is 8, are both supposed to have the CRT test in the morning. Brooke, my 5 year old won't. Just to refresh your mind, the CRT is the temperature test where they take your temperature at 100-200 different points (all above the waist) on the body and then subject you to cooler temperatures for 10 minutes then retake the temperature on all the same points. How your body responds to the cooler temperatures gives and indication as to what is malfunctioning in your body and your overall inflammation and vitality. Last time, my inflammation was high and my body was functioning at like 40%. Can't wait to see the results this time.

Well I guess that is enough and I should really get some sleep. You know I will be filling you in daily about our trip. Your comments and questions are always welcome. Thanks to all of my family and friends for their wonderful support. By tomorrow at this time, I should have an answer to my most burning question...Do my daughters have Lyme also? It is comforting to know though how I will handle it. I believe we can get their health on track and that they won't have to suffer and go through all of medications and everything I did. We will get their bodies to deal with what ever they are facing the way God designed them too. Big couple of days ahead. Here we go...

Finding Balance

I apologize for the long break since my last update. In reality, I haven't had much down time and I guess that is a sign right there that things have improved somewhat. Unfortunately I don't have much time now either so this update may be brief. I promise to give a proper update soon. Overall the improvements I had made since going to Kansas have held pretty steady. I don't have the energy I want and need yet but I guess the fact that I have been so busy means it is better than it was. Since I had a few days here and there where I was bouncing off the walls I guess I desire that everyday. At a minimum I know I can have more energy than I do.    My pain is definitely less. I don't have pain very often anymore and when I do it is milder than it was. My temperature issues are somewhat better, my seizure type stuff is better and my heart may be even a little better. So overall I have held onto some improvements but don't feel much better than I did 3 weeks ago. There is one thing that has been really bad but I do take it as a sign of overall improvement...my hayfever is out of control. I have had some bad allergies before but it has been probably mid to late nineties since they have been this intense. They have never lasted this long. They are intense everyday and have been for about 3 to 4 weeks. It would be really interesting to see where allergies show up on my top ten list now since they were number 10 when I had gone to Kansas. I finally decided to try a remedy from Hansa to see if it helps. Hopefully it will be here this week and I can get some relief. I had one little flare up about a week and a half ago that was a little strange. I was really having an amazing day or few days I should say. Then out of the blue I got sad and super depressed over that matter of a few hours. I wanted to crawl under the covers and be left alone. Some of my physical symptoms came back also. My feet got really cold, I had some pain and was sick to my stomach. What that was all about I don't know for sure but it did clear up. I am still learning to find my balance as I still have the ability to over do it. When you start feeling better you want to run out and try to make up for lost time and I catch myself paying for that every now. I just have to remember to take my remedies, get enough rest, and keep on my detox and diet.

God has really blessed my family and continued to take care of us this past month. I really feel like God has confirmed the direction we are going and I am working on continuing to trust Him to meet all of our needs. I have definitely has some ups and downs. I realize though that those down moments come from trusting man and not God. There are some big decisions in our future and I am excited to see where God will take us and how He will continue to provide for us.

One of those big decisions is  about going back to Hansa. My goal was to go back here in the next few weeks, with my husband and two girls. There is a good chance my husband can't go which make me sad but it is a must that I take my girls. My youngest is having increasing complaints of pain and stomach problems and I just want to go and get them back on track to healing whatever the reason. Of course money is always the big factor. I need a fourth person to go if my husband can't because my girls need to be watched while I am in treatment. When I looked at air fair it would cost us like 1500 for all 4 of us to fly.  That does make it cheaper to drive even with fuel being closer to 5 dollars a gallon. How we will pull this off I am not sure but I have an urgency about going back. I want to continue to heal and get my girls well on their way to healing as well. I would rather postpone starting light therapy again as that is not cheap and go back to Hansa again first. Lots to figure out in the next few days.

I wish I had time to tell you more but that is about all I can say right now. Please continue to pray for me and family and our upcoming big decisions. Oh and one last request,please look up Surf Chaser Photography and like my page on Facebook. Then share it with all of your friends. The future looks exciting and I can't wait to share more over the next few weeks.

Hansa Day 10- This is Only the Begining

A hindrance to everyday miracles is that everyone looks at the lives of the people around them and sees only mutual misery. When disease becomes the norm most accept the disease as their lot in life by saying, "Why should I strive for anything else?" You must separate yourself from what the world says is normal and align all that you are to what God says is true (Romans 12:2).- excerpt from Everyday Miracles by God's Design by Dr. David A Jernigan

I am officially done with my last day at the Hansa Center. I do believe I received an everyday miracle of healing here and I am more thankful than words can express for what I have experienced. Each day going forward, I am expecting continued healing in my body and I know things will only get better.

Again today it has been hard to put my finger on what is different, but things are changing. After talking with the doctor I agree that it is like an "energetic" shift I am feeling. If you just went down my list of 20 some odd symptoms and asked what was better I wouldn't say a whole lot. But there is this underlying feeling of health and vitality mixed with bouts of energy that has me bouncing off the walls like a kid on a sugar high. I had to fight to keep my mouth quiet and my talking to a minimum the entire day. There are a few friends and family out there that know exactly what I am talking about. I talk a mile a minute, about anything and everything and just wear people out. This feeling makes me smile though. It is just like about 8 or 9 months ago when I had a random episode like this. It was almost like going back 18 or 20 years. It reminds me of the true me that go lost in feeling bad. There is a reason multiple people over the course of my life "randomly" would nickname me Sunshine. Well my sunny disposition is back and I vow to never let it get lost through life's trials again.

I may have a long journey ahead of me to get to complete healing but I am well on my way and I am going to learn to live in the moment. Each moment is a gift and I am going to do my best to appreciate them and to share God's love and light with everyone I can. I am learning that I am someone who can feel other peoples energy as well. The benefit of that is that I can now let my positive energy overwhelm someones negative energy instead of letting them be a drain on me. I think it also allows me empathetic towards other people. Gods going to use me in big ways. I can't wait.

Besides all of my positive energy there are some things to share on a more physical level about where I go from here. First off, I have totally changed my view of medicine and how I will proceed in mine and my families overall health. Biological and energy medicine will become a big part of our lives for sure. More on that later though. As far as I go...the doctor feels I am stable. The goal, as I may have mentioned earlier, is to get you stable if not better before you leave. I am stable but certainly have areas that I will continue to heal in as we go. One of the surprising things to me though, is how well my body cooperated. The doctor got to do things he normally doesn't in someones first two weeks. I don't think I realized how strong my body is. Over the last few years, I had fallen prey to some ideas over how sick I was and what the chances were of me getting better. After all, we believe I have had Lyme for about 26 years and it's not curable so what will my new normal have to be? What a sad way of thinking. There is no reason why incredible health and great things are out of my reach and unavailable to me. I am not reduced to a life of pain, sadness, and IV antibiotics. For those of you who are chronically ill, guess what , you don't have to be either. You can be well. You need to expect "everyday miracles". We serve an awesome God and nothing is out of reach.

Sorry for getting off track. So back to treatment. The plan is for me to stay on my remedies/supplements for about 60 days. I am not going to start or stop any medications or supplements in this time barring emergencies of course. I will be using my sauna multiple times week if not daily as well as doing daily epsom salt baths. I will be continuing to see my acupuncturist and maybe a new chiropractor as needed probably once or twice a month. I will do the ionic foot baths and massage as I can. I will go back to biophoton light therapy as my doctor wants. Both doctors at Hansa seemed really impressed with my doc and I really see some great things happening between them all in the future. I am so glad that this is working out. I don't know if I will go back to my LLND or not. Right now I think things are covered but I do believe she is a great doctor and I am glad to have her as a resource.

As far as coming back to Hansa...the doctor would like me back in about 6 maybe 8 weeks. I need to have my port removed not because they said but because I am done with the IV's and I am not going back. I am also going to try and have my retainer removed. Interestingly enough, Dr. J thinks the removing the retainer could cause me more issues then having the port removed.

Your body doesn't pay attention to names. It doesn't know what we call the bacteria and it really doesn't care. So just like when I gave you my top ten lists that would work for my kids. Although they maybe able to confirm that Lyme bacteria is present I just want my kids healthy and I believe we can get a good head start with out antibiotics or invasive methods by bringing them here. I am not going to worry about how this may all come together. I am keeping the faith. God has been working behind the scenes with my family and some things and I know this is a big year for us. I couldn't be more excited about the future than I am right now. Oh, we did challenge my vagus nerve this morning and got a little something to resolve but it may not have any affect on my heart. Again, as I continue to heal new things may come up. We were certainly able to get beyond the top layer of my problems and as things get resolved new things could show them selves. Its not that they are just happening but more so that they are uncovered now that the more pressing and serious issues have been resolved.

Well, I am feeling like that is a good place to end for now. I still have some pictures to upload. I will end up blogging about my trip home and will certainly keep you posted on how I am feeling. I may just do it once a week for a little while to give us all a break. I wanted to take one minute and talk about some of my new friends. First off Caity (and her amazing mom Joni), Sabine (and her wonderful husband Jack) and I all came here and started treatment for the first time last week. We are have become good friends as we have shared our journeys together over the past two weeks. I am so blessed to have them in my life and am going to miss them all. Second the staff at Hansa are all amazing and I will miss them. Crystal, my massage therapist, is AMAZING (not just at what she does, but as a person). Thank you for the amazing work you did and how much you helped me. Lastly the other families and people I met this week have been incredible as well. Nothing but stories of love and healing pouring out of this place. Some new like me others back for their third or fourth time. Some with strokes and ms, lots with lyme, so many different stories each seeming to have their own everyday miracles. And all the glory goes to God. It is Him, working through people. This is an experience I will never forget and I will do whatever I can to help other people experience everyday miracles. You don't have to be sick or come here for miracles to happen. They can and do happen right where you are at in your life! Many thanks and love to all of the people who have supported me in prayer or through an encouraging words. It means so much. Check in with you all soon.

Hansa Day 4- Marching to the Beat of a Different Drum

Today has been a little rough although I made some good progress. I don't know why it is but when fatigue is front and center it certainly makes everything else harder to deal with. I had a really rough time falling asleep last night. Finally I did and I slept better than my average but not as good as the night before. I woke up really tired. It wasn't evident immediately but within an hour I knew that this would be one of my rough days. As I explained to the doctor, if I was at home I would be napping today. So being so tired definitely set the tone for my day.

I started with a machine called the ST8 for the lymphatic system. Like I said yesterday I am going to try and come up with some good in depth descriptions of each of these therapies this weekend. In any case, this helps get the lymph system moving all of the junk out. It uses 4 different methods. I remember 3 of them at the moment. A lot of my friends with Lyme will understand what these mean. This machine uses cold-gas photon therapy, a form of ozone, and rife frequencies. I need my doc in San Diego to get one of these. Then I went in for my massage. I told my awesome massage therapist how she was right on with what oils I needed yesterday. I also showed her the nice bruise that had developed on my back in the area of my colon. These massages aren't the typical total relaxing kind in a day spa. They are there to do some business and even though at times it hurts I push through it and I think it has paid off. I can literally feel knots and tension breaking up under her fingers at times. The best thing about the massage is this thing called a biomat. I am determined to get one someday. It is a mat that uses infrared technology, amethyst crystals and is heated. To lay on in it is amazing. Love it. I did the lux next which is the gemstone light therapy. That one is really relaxing.

After lunch I met with Clark I mean Dr. Jowdy. We discussed symptoms which of course was fatigue and tiredness, some muscle aches, I had developed some sinus stuff and jaw teeth pain since my massage, and muscle spasms. The usual really. We were focusing on the cranial sacral (I'm sure it is spelled wrong) fixations today. Dr. J used the tool called the percussor again. It is like the action of a jackhammer but with a mallet instead if that makes any sense. It basically beats on you which usually feels more like a vibration. It helps to align things. This is what he used to help move my organs back to their rightful place. So in addition to the spine and all he was going to focus mostly on my skull/head and where the plates of my skull may be bound. It the areas that are bound up the machine jumps up and down and as it releases it moves into the vibrating feeling. Believe it or not it didn't hurt. It actually felt good in some spots. He worked on my sinuses the same. Then he went back and moved my spine, pelvis, and even each tooth (those he did with his finger) and beat on my head again to release anything that had bound back up by what he touched. When it hits the bound up parts you almost feel like your head is a drum and someone is beating on it. Every ones head would certainly have it's own beat based on what was bound up. It was really interesting.

He did some muscle testing as well and tested some stuff with my eyes. Those can be crazy because you can see instant results when something is fixed. I took two different homeopathic remedies that my body indicated I only needed once and and issue with my eyes and another thing were fixed instantly. The doctor was very impressed overall and said that my body took over and corrected somethings on it's own so he got to jump ahead. That made me smile. Last he had me get up and do a couple of balance tests that we did on the first day. Night and day difference on my ability to balance on one leg. It was almost unbelievable. So I am making  progress it seems. We also discussed having this permanent retainer removed while I am here. It really depends on cost but I have had it for about 20 yrs and I have wanted it out. It has been hard to find a dentist to remove it and then it is usually more than I wanted to pay. Although Dr. J doesn't feel it is a huge interference things like retainers and braces have caused huge issues and it would be great to do final cranial fixations adjustments with it out. So we will see if we can pull that off. I finished up the sauna and foot bath. I am not feeling horrible and I obviously have made some improvements. My feet weren't really cold today either so I count that as a step in the right direction. I can even tell I am standing up straighter without much effort. I am really just worn out, a little sore, and have a pesky headache starting to come back. I am hoping to eat dinner and have much better luck sleeping tonight. Hopefully I will feel better in the morning. I am still really so excited and thankful to be here and I am learning so much everyday. Let me just say that my mind and way of thinking about health, western medicine, etc...has completely changed. I am really go do some things different for myself and my family. Don't hesitate to leave me messages, ask questions, and of course keep up the prayers. Love ya all.

Hansa Day 1- Information Overload

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jerimiah 29:11

I have always loved this verse and it seems to so fitting as to have popped up the last couple of days. I believe it is God's way of giving me hope. This verse is even in the Hansa Center lobby. I saw it when I walked in this morning and it gave me instant peace. Out of everything I took into today, that verse sticks out the most.

Today was indescribable. I don't know exactly what I was expecting but I know I got so much more than I thought possible. I had not even started any treatments and I was ready to scream to the world, you need to come here. How soon could I book my whole family a trip to come out here and get healthy. I realized very early in my day that I needed to clarify what I am really doing here in Kansas. I am not here for Lyme Disease treatment. I am here to restore my bodies balance and achieve optimum. It may sound strange, but ultimately the doctors at the Hansa Center don't care too much about what specifically is causing your body to malfunction. They care about restoring it's function. I mean they do look at viruses, bacteria, chemical issues, etc...but if you don't have a clue what is wrong with you, you could come here and never know for sure it was Lyme, or EBV or whatever but you would be know bacteria or a virus caused certain things to go wrong and you would work on restoring it. I guess what I am saying is the "name" is not really the issue. This goes along well with the positive attitude that Hansa strives for. I do need to stop identifying myself by my disease. I am not a "lymie" any longer.

As my title implies, I am on information overload. I wish I would have written everything down that the doctor said or recorded it because by the end of the day, it is somewhat of a blur. I am going to do my best to give you a brief rundown of what happened. If I tried to tell you everything in detail, I wouldn't be done blogging by the time I needed to go back tomorrow.

First thing was my CRT test. This involved taking my temperature at over 100 points on the body, subjecting me to cool temperatures for 10 minutes and retaking the temperature at those same points. You know I don't hold back so be ready for TMI. You had to show up this morning with no shower, no deodorant, no teeth brush, and for girls no bra. Yay! Just how I want to start my morning. Anyways, you just had to stay that way until the CRT test was done. Then you could take care of those things. I was the first one in for testing and the first to meet with the doctor to discuss my results. This was probably the most telling test I have ever done. What this test revealed was amazing. It was very evident which systems are off in my body. Long story short, it was confirmatory on a number of things and revealing in some others. The two stand out things I can think of are that my thyroid is doing really well despite only having half of it and maybe I can end up getting off of my thyroid medication. Second alot of my issues especially brain and neurological related are most likely due to CCSVI or chronic cebrospinal venous insufficiency. I have heard of this briefly before but didn't have a clue I might have it. I should know more by the end of my two weeks if the doctors believe I do indeed have it. My symptoms and tests are screaming it so far. If I do, that will involve some in depth testing and procedures probably in Las Vegas. I did briefly read tonight that there is a belief that this is one of the main causes of MS. I am not scared though. I am so excited to feel like we have more information. After reviewing symptoms, concerns, and the CRT the doctor did Bio-resonance scanning. It is almost like a really in depth form of muscle testing. Again, God prepared me for this. A few years ago, I would have walked out of the office thinking this doctor was nuts. God's timing is perfect, what else can I say. That testing basically gave the doctor the top 10 issues to work on. I do have issues with liver, spleen, heart, viruses, adrenals, sympathetic nervous system, and ammonia in the heart and brain among other things. I knew my adrenals were shot and had suspicions on my nervous system. Basically the whole morning was confirmatory and enlightening. I left feeling more hope than I ever had. I basically gave them a lot to work with. :) As the doctor said about my CRT, I don't want to say its abnormal, but it is certainly different. That is me. Normal is boring!



On a side note, my hotel is awesome. I went to "Green Acres" just like a Sprouts to get some groceries but my hotel does serve a breakfast everyday and dinner I think Monday thru Thursday. The weather is beautifully cold. Hansa is directly next door so I walk about 30 seconds to get there. Miss my family like crazy but enjoying the time to focus on my health. Now I need to get to bed and get some much needed rest. I am really tire and my body needs to heal. Taking lost of pictures I will try to post at some point. Not super tech savy but will try. Anyways, I'll check into tomorrow. Thanks for following along and for all of the prayers and support.

I'm Off to See the Wizard

As 2011 comes to a close I am really looking forward to starting 2012. This is by far one of the most interesting starts to a New Year I have ever had. I must admit that I am a little emotional and having a hard time at thought of leaving of my family for two weeks. That is a long time to be away from your spouse for sure but it seems like an eternity to be away from your children. I have at least one friend who knows how this feels. He has had to leave his family for the same reason I am leaving mine, in pursuit of getting his health  back, which in turn means his life back.

Going to see Dr. Jernigan and the whole team at the Hansa Center in Wichita Kansas is a gamble. Like most things in life there is no guarantee. I stand to lose two weeks of time with my family, and almost every last dollar I have for treatment on this trip if it is a failure. But I stand to gain my health and my life back if it is a success. The gains exceed the risks for me. I believe whole heartedly that God has brought me to this point for a reason. I have faith this is exactly where I need to be. As nervous as I am, I also couldn't be more excited. I have no doubt I will learn so much and my eyes will be open to some new ideas and new ways of thinking.

This two week jump start on 2012 is just the beginning for me. As I am still struggling with the fact that I lost my career with the Fire Department that I loved, I am also reminded that I have a world of opportunity at my finger tips. I can revisit the dreams and goals I had that got lost along the way. I can pursue whatever my heart desires now that so many things have been taken from me. I am choosing to see this as a blessing and an answer to a prayer. Not only did God answer my prayer to come home and be with my children (although not is the way I pictured) he reminded me of the things I am passionate about. He reminded me that I had a love and excitement for things that I had long since forgot about. I am excited about my life again and about what the future holds. I feel like anything is possible and I am ready to take on whatever comes my way.

With that, I have some last minute packing to finish and some much needed time to spend with my family. I will do my best to blog about my experience regularly. It all depends on my internet access and how I am feeling. Regardless, you will end up with a full account of my experience. You can continue to support my treatments financial needs through my photography, my donation website, (both have links on my blog) or by donating directly to my donation account at any US Bank (Jessica Madson Donation Account, #153466674998). Of course I always appreciate your prayers, especially extra ones for a safe trip. I want to end by wishing you all a safe, happy, and healthy New Year. Praying God's blessings and protection for you and your loved ones.

Going International

It's been another couple of weeks and I kind of have a lot to say but may not get to it all. The past few days have been a little crazy to say the least. I have gone from feeling blessed to defeated and back again in just a matter of moments it seems. I have had some rough days physically but for a little while I was on an emotional high. I just felt blessed despite the pain. I still feel blessed but the devil is certainly using every opportunity to tear me down. The last few days I have had a substantial amount of pain. I'm having headaches almost daily. I've had a very loud ringing in my ears and lots of muscle spasms. I have a sore throat. The pain is the worst though.

I have had some substantial changes at work that I can't really say more about right now and my treatment has just been turned upside down. I had my doctors appointment yesterday and was expecting to start back on my abx including the IV Rocephin  2x a day, 3 days a week for the next two months. After meeting with the doctor and discussing symptoms, progress, etc...he informed me of the new plan. Now it is hard to think on my feet sometimes so I didn't really ask for the whys. I just said okay. I trust my doc. Since the appointment I have had a little more time to process things. This is a big change. I am going back on my two oral abx. They are both twice a day but one is two weeks on, two weeks off. Then we are switching my IV abx. I am now going to be using something called rifampin. I have heard a lot of others lymies use it. I am finding out though that a lot of them used it orally. They were usually put on it for a co-infection called Bartonella. I haven't been diagnosed with Bart but could still have it. My doc is putting me on it for the lyme though and said it has the added benefit of taking care of a number of co-infections as well. That all sounds great so far although it has really kicked some peoples butts. Then I find out it is 1 IV a day, infused over 1 hour, every day for 60 days. So I now have 60 days straight of IV's. I have to go in twice a week to the doctors office to get my needle changed out. Not looking so wonderful anymore but okay it is what the doctor wants. Now here comes the kicker...in the US this medicine runs $50 a dose or higher. The few pharmacies I checked said my insurance won't cover it and for the 60 day supply I was looking at between $3000 to $4000. That would be the reason my doctor told me I need to go to Mexico to get it. Now 10 years ago that may not have been so bad. We went to TJ on occasion which wasn't a major deal. Now its a much bigger deal. I have to get a passport which could cost me $200. I need to expedite the passport process so I can get my meds asap. The doctor is supposed to call me with the pharmacy he wants me to use. The medicine should cost me closer to $600 down there. That is still not cheap but much more doable than getting it here in the US. I am not sure though how I feel about crossing the boarder with $600 cash and having to go through customs with a bunch of bottles of white powder. This is going to take some work and a lot of prayer to say the least. So I guess that is where things are at.

I am still in a prayer over going to the Hansa Center in Kansas. I did talk with them and it would cost me about $6000 to $7500 for two weeks maybe more. That is in addition to airfare and hotel. So if I could magically pull together about $10,000 then I would be gone it a heartbeat and leave my abx in Mexico. So things are really up in the air but I serve a big God. My prayer recently has been for me to submit to God's will and plan for my life without interfering. That has always been an on-gong request of mine as you know. How much do get involved with the issues at work or other things and try to change the direction they are going. I am finally learning to stop. I asked God if could make some of these things clear to me without them making sense. Like confirm that I am on the right path even when it doesn't sense. He did that very thing yesterday shortly after I prayed that prayer. Here was the answer he gave me through a friend..."Do not make decisions based on money".  The next few weeks will be really interesting and probably life changing. Thanks for your support.